Fitting
by zhandi211
Summary: If they had a fitting , if they ended up at the tailor's together. Some things will be admitted , they will fight , and they probably can't go back to normal , not again.
1. chapter 1

**I know this is seriously unrealistic but I've had this idea for a while. I really , honestly hope that you enjoy it ! It's just fiction so don't be too hard on me.** **Also I want to thank DonnaRSpecter for her help !!!!**

 ** _Chapter 1._**

 **Fitting.**

"Hi"

Donna turns her head and finds Harvey standing with his hands in his pockets.She just shakes her head and rolls her eyes of course he'd be here at this very moment. Because hell it's not as if they see each other enough as it is. They were on good terms , back to normal but even so she needed a break away from him.

" What are you doing here ? " she asks raising an eyebrow.

" Well if you forgot I'm the best man and I need a suit for the wedding. So here I am."

" Ohhh so you couldn't have picked one of the 300 ones that you have ? " she turns to face him , annoyance in her tone.

" No I couldn't." He smiles at her. " What about you ? You own a few dresses , my company card could testify to that."

" I don't use it anymore , I haven't had to for a while now. Besides you always offered and it's not like I bankrupted the firm .And in case you've forgotten I'm maid of honour so..." She quips back crossing her arms.

He takes his hands out of his pockets and walks towards her but as he's about to say something a young woman walks up to them. She's pretty , about a foot shorter than Donna , black hair blue eyes , slim.

" Hi , you're.." she turns the name card on the hanger which held his suit.."Harvey Specter ?" she smiles at him , a twinkle in her eye.

Donna knows that twinkle , it's the same one every women has when they meet him and find him attractive.

"Yes I am."

" Well here's your suit , you can go into that fitting room over there." She hands him his suit.

" Ohhh and if you need any help in there don't hesitate to ask. " She says sweetly and winks at him.

Donna rolls her eyes.

Harvey catches it.

"What ?" He asks curious as to why she suddenly looks so irritated.

" Nothing , it's just she wasn't very subtle , I mean she realises that you could be her dad right ?"

" Okay one I'm not that old , and two just admit that you're jealous. " He smirks at her.

She quirks a brow. " You're over forty , she's probably something in her 20's so yeah you are that old."

He rolls his eyes at her before walking past her into the dressing room. Before he closes the curtain he turns to her.

"You know what , maybe I will need some help."

She rolls her eyes again before she takes her dress from the same girl who brought Harvey his suit and glares at her. _He's such an ass._ She thinks to herself as she walks over and rips the curtain shut. Why does it bother her if he gets attention from woman it happens all the time. She shoves the thought out of her head before she starts undressing.

xxxxxxxxxxx

"Harvey ?" she whispers.

"Harvey?" again no answer.

"Harvey ! "

15 minutes earlier.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Donna is standing in the fitting room trying on her maid of honour's dress , this is the last fitting before the wedding that's set to take place the following Saturday.

The dress is black and fitted , floor length

with a slit on the right side of the dress , it's elegant , classy but with a hint of sass. Problem was that although Donna had mastered tricky zips over the years with the dresses she wore to work this one was well a little difficult to say the least. The zipper from what she could gather had caught the material of her black lace bra and for the life of her she couldn't get it unstuck.

So she'd thought about just ripping the zipper down but she might risk ripping the dress which wasn't an option.

Option 2 : she stuck her head out holding the front of her dress up and scanned the room for one of the three woman who worked there , and naturally not one of them was to be found.

Option three : Ask the person in the next fitting room to help. Now if it were a stranger it would be less awkward than having to ask the one person she knew she had to.

Harvey...

They'd just agreed that everything was back to normal and here they were undressing and getting dressed with only a wall separating them and now this happened. The stupid zipper so she swallowed her pride , it was just a zipper right ?

"Harvey ?" she whispered.

"Harvey ?" again no answer.

"Harvey !" she raised her voice.

" Donna ? " he asked , a little dumb struck as to why she was calling his name.

" Harvey , I..." she couldn't get the words out. " Could you please come in here and help me ? " she asked wincing at the way her voice had gotten a little pitchy.

" Uhmmm okay..." Harvey said , confused he walked out and opened the curtain to find Donna staring in the mirror arm holding onto the bodice of her dress , hair to one side.

He leaned against the door frame.

" You know if you wanted my opinion you could have just asked..." a smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

She meets his eyes in the mirror. She knows she shouldn't be thinking this but he looks good. Dark charcoal suit , crisp white shirt and although she sees him like this almost every day , he doesn't look so serious. The first two , no three buttons on his white shirt were undone and the tie was hanging loose around his open collar. It's always been a very sexy look on him , but she wouldn't , couldn't tell him that.

" It's not that and I wouldn't need your opinion anyway I've been dressing myself for a long time and I've always looked awesome. "

" So then what's the problem ? " he asked cocking his head slightly to the right.

" The damn zipper got stuck in my...my bra and I can't get it unstuck , so could you please ...help me ? " she said not daring to make eye contact when she asked.

Harvey bit his lip and walked over , cautious because they were doing good lately and when they agreed that things were back to normal he never would have imagined having to basically unzip her dress a few weeks later in a fitting room.

He stepped so close that she could feel his body heat and his breath on her neck. Her breathing hitched a little , not only because of his proximity but because he was about to unzip her and although he wouldn't be seeing much she still felt a little vulnerable. Because it was still Harvey.

His gaze dropped to where the zipper had stopped. He lifted his fingers and lightly gripped the edge of the one side with his left and took hold of the zipper with his right.

He tugs once , twice and on the third he tugs a little too hard.

" Harvey , don't rip it ! You know if you're gonna be rough then just ... you know what I can do it myself. " She says a little irritated.

" Sorry okay..." he tugs again and the material of her bra seperates from the zipper. " See I got it." He pulls the zip down gently to where it stops just above the dimples in her back.

She looks up and catches his gaze in the mirror , he smiles , probably very pleased with himself.

His eyes drop again , reaching to zip her up but he hasn't been this close to her bared skin in years and he's momentarily entranced by her back , the way her spine dips , how her skin seems to radiate under the lights and the freckles...

He tilts his head as he lifts his hand and slowly but gently runs his fingers over her exposed back. Her skin was soft. He was following the freckles down her back , his fingertips gliding over the material of her bra. Only his fingertips dance around and he knows , somewhere in the back of his mind he knows he shouldn't but in that moment he really doesn't care.

When she feels his fingertips warm against her skin, tracing her spine she lets out a small gasp , hoping with every fibre in her being that he didn't hear it.

" Harvey..." her voice is a little breathless , but when he looks up at her , over her shoulder he might as well have knocked the wind out of her.

His eyes were darker , his jaw clenched. She turns her head , ripping her gaze from intense one.

Harvey grabs the zip and quickly zips her up but as he's about to turn and leave he decides to do something against his better judgement.

He turns back and steps even closer. He leans in , and whispers in her ear.

" I don't remember you complaining about me being rough the last time. " his voice reverberated through her and when she looks up again he's gone.

All the blood has either drained from her body or it's now located in her face she can't tell , because she knows exactly what he's referring to.

 **I really hope you liked it , it's far from anything that happened in the last two eps I know but I hope you enjoyed it. PLEASE if you can Review it , if you loved or hated it , I'd appreciate to hear what you have to say.** **This will most likely be a multi chapter fic.**


	2. Chapter 2

**_Chapter 2._**

 ** _"Back to_** ** _normal."_**

She closed her eyes , she couldn't sleep , she rolled around for hours but the only thing on her mind was him , his fingers tracing her back and that comment that he had whispered low in her ear.

She easily forgot all those things when she came home after the fitting. She did some work , went to yoga class. She made dinner , read over documents while she had a glass of wine. She talked to Rachel about the fitting , leaving out the _Harvey_ part. She watched a movie. And then she went to bed and now all she could hear was his voice.

" _I don't remember you complaining about me being rough the last time_. "

She doesn't want to think about what he was referring to , but she just couldn't help it.

She remembered the way he'd pushed her up against the door , how he devoured her mouth and how he fisted her hair and tugged it to the side to get to her neck. How impatient he was to get her naked.

 _The pink dress she wore that night still had a tear that he was responsible for , a confirmation of just how impatient he had been._

When he finally got rid of it he left marks , small rose coloured marks from her chest down to her thighs.

Great and now was she thinking about his mouth , his lips , what he could with his tongue...

She turned around and groaned into her pillow.

This was not " back to normal " kind of thinking. Not that he bided by that sentiment either , he did after all run his fingers down her back , slowly , so painstakingly slow. The complete opposite of _the other time._

She shoved the thought away , turned around and closed her eyes. She wouldn't let this affect her. She just wouldn't. They were friends , she just figured that she felt this way because she hadn't been seeing anyone. Not that she needed a man to be happy she was _Donna_ after all.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

 ** _One week later..._**

 _Saturday - The wedding._

Donna was standing in front of a full length mirror , making sure that not a hair was out of place.

Her dress was black , almost floor length except for the front , it stopped just above her ankles. The back was semi open and her hair was off to the right side and her make up was simple.

She was putting in her earing when she heard a voice.

"That's not the same dress."

She turned around to see him standing in the door way , smile on his face , tie off centre.

She walked towards him and stopped right in front of him , raising her hands to his tie.

"No it's not." She looked up smiling back.

" What happened to other one ?"

" I don't even know to be honest..." she said chuckling , centering his tie.

She honestly didn't know. Somehow a seam had gotten caught somewhere so when she put on the dress it had a hole the size of her hand in it and it was to late to try and sew it up.

" So I called a guy who knows my size , I told him what I wanted and he worked a miracle. Even Rachel is happy with it." She said letting her hands back down and looked up again.

" You have a guy ? Who brings you clothes when you need it ? " He raised a brow.

" Yes I do , now come on you need to get going and I have to go get Rachel. "

Rachel's mom had come in to ask for a few moments alone with her daughter , most likely for some last minute advice on marriage.

xxxxxxx

Mike and Rachel were reciting their vows when Harvey looked at Donna. She felt his lingering gaze and looked up. A small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. He was glad that they were back to normal again.He couldn't even begin to imagine what this would've been like had they not made up.

xxxxxxxx

Almost everybody was dancing and Harvey was standing at the bar. He was mulling a few things over , the last few days had been rough and it was finally catching up with him. But before he could dwell on those Donna came to stand beside him.

" Hey." She said , her voice gentle.

" What do you say ? " Harvey said reaching a hand out towards her.

" I don't mind if I do." She put her hand in his and walked to the dance floor him in tow.

They danced for a while without saying anything. Just enjoying it. He swung and twirled her around.

After a while he settled her in his arms. She was pressed up against his chest , not even an inch seperating them. They swayed to the music before he turned his head slightly.

" You look beautiful." He said softly in her ear.

Donna just closed her eyes and smiled. He only ever once complimented her on how she looked and that was over a decade ago when he'd said that she wasn't just a pretty face.

" Hey do you mind if I cut in ?" She looked over Harvey's shoulder and saw Mike and Rachel standing there.

Harvey let go of her and stepped aside.

" Not at all."

Rachel just smiled at Harvey and she offered her hand and he took it. They weren't close but it was her wedding day and on some level they were friends.

" So I wasn't interrupting was I ? " Mike asked.

" Not really. "

" You sure ? Because you two looked like you were having a moment ? " He said smiling , eyebrows raised.

" Mike we were dancing that's all and don't start. " She rolled her eyes , a smile on her face.

"Shouldn't you be dancing with your wife ? " She replied changing the subject.

" I know what you're doing. Look Donna , I always just thought that you and Harvey would..I was rooting for you two to be together. But it seems like you really _don't_ want to be. I just want you to be happy and after everything that happened..." Mike said and shrugged.

" I know Mike , and it's sweet but it's complicated , we're just friends."

" But he chose you over.."

" Please don't go there." She said shutting the subject down.

She knew what he was about to say and it was true. But things were well beyond complicated , the risk it held was to much. She took in a breath.

" So what's it like being a married man ?" She asked , smiling at him.

xxxxxxxxx

" Thank you Harvey." Rachel said.

" For what ?" He asked not sure what she meant.

" Everything.."

" Rachel you don't have to thank me." He smiled at her.

" No I do , you've done so much for him and for me and we wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you." She meant it , Harvey had gotten him out of prison and then helped him to get into the bar.

" He's family Rachel and so are you." They were his family , before he made up with his mom they were the only family he had.

" Thank you So...does this mean we can take an extra week off after the honeymoon ? " She asked jokingly.

" I'll think about it. "

Rachel's father came up and asked if he could dance with his baby girl. Harvey smiled handed her over and walked away to go stand at the bar.

He saw Mike laughing and assumed Donna was too. All he could see was Donna's back and he thought about how he trailed his fingers down it. How warm her skin was. How she smelled like vanilla and flowers. And how his heart raced once he was back in his own fitting room.

He pushed the thought away and whatever feeling that reared with it. He ordered a drink.

The rest of the night was filled with speeches from him , and Louis , Robert and the newly weds , it was followed by dinner . After that Mike and Harvey spoke for a while. Later joined by Robert , his wife and Louis and Sheila. Donna and Rachel were laughing with a few other guests at a table.

" Would you mind if I stole my wife for a moment ?" Mike asked standing behind Rachel's chair.

" Not at all dear. " The woman sitting next to Rachel said smiling at him.

Rachel turned and Mike held his hand to help her out of her chair. He lead her to the group of people he was just talking to.

Harvey walked over to Donna then. When she looked at him her brow furrowed he just held his hand out , like he had earlier in the night. When she tilted her head and gave him her hand he pulled her out of her chair. Walked her to the dance floor and spun her into his arms.

" Wow that was.."

" Charming ? " he quirked a brow.

" Not the word I'd use... " She looked him in the eyes. Both smiling.

He spun her out and pulled her back in.

" Harvey ? " She said next to his ear, her voice had dropped and octave. " Move your hand any lower and I'll mount it. "

He quickly shifted his hand higher , he hadn't realised how low it was until she warned him.

" Sorry." He said sheepishly.

xxxxx

The night was drawing to a close and most of the guests had left. Rachel and Mike were saying their goodbyes and thanked everyone for coming . They had to go because they had a flight to catch in the morning for their honeymoon.

Donna and Harvey were some of the last to stay. They were sitting at the bar talking , laughing and drinking.

" So let me get this straight , you lost a drinking game in college and then you had to wear a mini skirt for the rest of the night ? " She laughed picturing him I a tight black mini skirt.

" Yes , and it wasn't comfortable !" He smirked.

" Well to be fair , you do have the legs for it. " She winked at him.

" I'm not so sure about that one." He chuckled. Lifting the glass to his lips.

They sat in silence for a moment , both in thought. Donna looked around then , realising that they were alone , aside from the bar tender and the two people who were starting to clean up.

" We should probably get going , they're starting to clean up." She turned out of the bar stool but she stepped on her dress and tripped.

Before she could even register what was happening Harvey caught her. His one hand around her wrist and the other around her waist.

" You okay there ?" He asks.

" I'm fine , thanks ."

It was only then did she realise how close they actually were , throughout the night they were dancing , chests touching , hands sometimes intertwined.

But this was different. This was intense. His eyes were dark. His mouth but a few breaths away. Their noses almost brushed .They were touching from chest to thighs. She blamed this on the alcohol. It was nothing else.

He stopped breathing the minute he caught her. He pulled her close. He felt every inch of her that was pressed against him . And now his focus flicked from her eyes to her lips. The air grew thick. He could easily lean forward just a fraction and ...

He quickly let go before he did something he'd regret. They were both a little tipsy. And this was shaky ground.

He cleared his throat and took a step back.

" I'll call Ray to uhmm to take you home."

He walked away , pulling out his phone.

Donna stood there a little dazed . They were toeing a line and they weren't doing it on purpose , for the most part anyway.

They needed some distance , some air , or risk going to a place where neither would walk away unscathed. She took a deep breath. So much for _" back to normal."_

xxxxxxxx

 **I just want to thank everyone so much for the support in chapter 1. I appreciate it so much.** **I hope you enjoyed this chapter !!!! PLEASE Review if you can , it means a lot to hear what you have to say.**

 **P.S. DonnaRSpecter you're amazing and thank you for the help once again !!!!**


	3. Chapter 3

**_Chapter 3._**

 ** _Sunday Morning._**

The car ride to Donna's place was quiet. Tension hung in the air like a thick cloud. A cloud of things unsaid and undone.

Donna decided to break the awkward silence.

"Does he ever give you a day off ?" She directed the question at Ray.

"Only birthday's and holidays Ms.Paulsen." Ray joked looking in the mirror at Donna.

"Ray , it's Donna."

"I know Ms.Paulsen."

They pulled up to her building ,but before Ray could get out to open the door for Donna , Harvey was already out of the car on his way to Donna's side.

"What a gentleman." Donna said winking at him.

He just rolled his eyes. She started walking and he followed.

"Harvey what are you doing ?" She asked brows furrowed.

"Walking with you." He said casually.

"We might have had a few drinks , but I'm pretty sure I remember where my apartment is."

"Just walk..." He said gesturing for her to keep walking.

They walked to her place also in silence.

The door number 206 appeared before them. To anyone else it was just a door. But to them it held a deeper meaning. Here is where he showed up years ago and she'd let him come inside to do things that would never be mentioned again. Here is where they fought countless times. It was the same door that he walked out of the night he told her he loved her. The same door where she told him to have faith in Mike like she had faith in him. And the same door where he chose her just a few weeks ago. She'd seen him vulnerable , hopeless , pissed and mischievous right at this door.

She stopped right in front of it and turned around.

"Well since you're here you might as well have a coffee."

"Donna I...It's late." He put his hand in his pocket and looked at the floor.

"Suit yourself." She shrugged. She opened the door and walked inside. Before she could close it again he put his foot in to stop her.

"Just one." He said walking past her missing her small smile. He went to the couch and took off his tie and jacket , uncuffing his sleeves and rolling them up while Donna had walked by towards the kitchen.

"Hey just give me a few minutes, I just want to go and change."

She disappeared around the corner to where her bedroom was. He remembers its exact location, as if he'd been there everyday since the other time... He swallowed and sat down on the coach, resting his head on it. He squeezed his eyes shut, banning the memories.

Donna went to her room and took off the dress and her heels before putting on a pair of silk pyjamas. She took a minute to freshen up in her bathroom before she found the courage to walk back out to Harvey. It had been a while since he had been inside.

She walked back out into the kitchen to put on the coffee machine then got two mugs from the cabinet. She checked her phone for any messages. There was one from Rachel that made her smile.

'Michelle Ross wants to thank Harriet Specter for whipping up a dream wedding. Ps You two looked good on that dance floor together!!!! Love R".

She put down her phone just as the coffee was ready to serve and she poured it into two mugs adding a small drop of vanilla to both.

The sight that greeted her when she walked into the living room was unexpected to say the least. And very un-Harvey! She smiled to herself. He was fast asleep on the couch. She walked over to put the mugs down and intended to wake him up, but he looked so peaceful asleep. She figured that the week had been difficult and had only now caught up with him. She knew him enough to know that he wouldn't have slept very much throughout the week. Worrying about both Jessica and the fate of the firm.

She stood up reaching out for his jacket. Looking through the pockets to look for his phone. She tried to be as quiet as possible so she wouldn't wake him up. She found it and typed in his password. _This man really needs to be less obvious about his passwords_ , she thought as she found Ray's number.

"Hey Ray it's Donna, you can go home. And you know what? Why don't you take the day off tomorrow", she said in a soft voice, making sure not to wake Harvey.

"Thank you Ms. Paulsen , but I don't think Mr. Specter would..."

"I'll tell him, take the day Ray." She cut him off, being stern. He did deserve it, he was driving up and down in the early hours of the weekend. Time in which he could have been at home with his family or sleeping.

"Alright Ms. Paulsen. Thank you." He knew better than to argue with Donna.

She put the phone back in his jacket and took a moment to look at him. He had shifted from sitting to lying down somewhere between her telling him she was going to change and coming back with the coffee. His breathing was slow and deep. His face relaxed and one hand behind his head. She stood up and walked to the hallway, grabbed a blanket from the closet and went back to the couch. She gently covered him with it.

"Goodnight Harvey." She whispered as she lightly squeezed his shoulder. She was so close she could smell him, inhaling his intoxicating scent, a mix of his aftershave and himself. She was tempted to touch his face but decided against that. "Back to normal, Donna, back to normal!", she warned herself.

She switched off the light on her way to her room and got into bed. It took a long time before she finally fell asleep as well.

xxxxxx

Harvey woke up with a start. He sat up, looking around. This was definitely not his place. He recognized the space he was in though. He must have fallen asleep on Donna's couch. "Great..", he thought as he pulled off the blanket and swung his legs over till his feet hit the floor. His head was throbbing ever so slightly. He ran a hand through his hair.

Donna walked in at that moment. Dressed in white jeans, a silk green button up shirt and flats.

"Goodmorning sleeping beauty." She joked as she came to sit on the far side of the couch.

"Hey, I'm really sorry about this. I didn't mean to fall asleep on you, I closed my eyes for a minute and then well this happened." He said running a hand over his face.

"It's fine Harvey, it's been a long hard week. I don't blame you. Now would you like that coffee after all?" She asked.

"Yes please." He walked with her to the kitchen and sat on the stool on the other side of the very small kitchen island.

"So did you sleep well?" She handed him a mug with fragrant hot coffee.

"Yes I did actually." He said picking up the mug bringing it to his lips and tipping it so that the warm vanillia flavoured coffee ran down his throat. Into his veins, waking him up fully.

She tilted her head as she stood opposite him and watched him close his eyes as he took another sip.

"Good?" She asked smiling at him.

He just hummed in response. It surprised her sometimes how someone like him with vintage cars and a wall covered in records and a penthouse apartment could find such satisfaction in something as simple as coffee with vanilla.

"I gave Ray the day off by the way." She shrugged before taking a sip of coffee herself.

"Why did you do that?"

"The poor man was driving us around at almost one thirty in the morning on a Sunday. So I told him he could have the day." She just shrugged.

"Donna that's his job and since when does he listen to you."

"I know but still and also I told him that I'd tell you and he had the good sense not to argue. Don't you dare even think about calling him Harvey." She warned.

"Fine I won't."

"Good." Donna and Harvey fell silent then finishing their morning doses of caffeine.

" So what are you doing today ?" Donna asked taking his mug from him and heading to the sink.

"Probably just working. And then I'm not sure."

He looked her over while her back was turned. He rarely saw her in pants. He could count on one hand the times in which he had. She always wore dresses or skirts and she had great legs. They might have agreed to going back to normal putting what had happened aside. _The fitting , the dancing and the near kiss last night._ But he sure as hell wasn't blind , the fact that she was attractive , beautiful actually he could admit to himself. Just not to her although he did last night and he was glad he had.

"Well work can wait , you and I are taking the day." She turned back around just in time to catch him quickly averting his gaze. She had felt his eyes on her and just let it go.

"What do you mean by that ?" He asked very confused over what she said.

"Well like I said it's been a long week and work can wait means that today we're not going to. There's this really sweet little cafè that I want to show you. They have the best pancakes." She smiled at him.

"Pancakes ? Donna Paulsen has a soft spot for pancakes ?" His lips tugged upwards. Amusement in his voice.

"What ? I'm still human." She said shaking her head. It was a simple thing but it was true. She did like them and that cafè really did make most delicious pancakes.

"As fun as it sounds I can't. I really do have a lot of work to do Donna." He stood up.

"Harvey it's Sunday. Even you need a day off , I know I do. Besides this falls in the back to normal category. We've had dinner and breakfast together before." She reasoned with him.

"Yes but you don't normally sleep on my couch the night before." He argued back.

"Ohhh get over it. Look it'll just be a couple of hours and then you can get back to work okay ?" She was looking him right in the eye.

"Fine we'll go , but only if we can stop at my place so I can change ?"

"Deal." She asked him because he was clearly stressed and the week had knocked him for a loop. They also had dinner once and he'd said that he hadn't thought about work in the two hours they'd been together. So she thought she could take his mind off it for a while. That's what friends did. Back to normal friends.

They hailed a cab , a satisfying grin on Donna's face that he hadn't called Ray. They arrived at his condo and went up with the elevator in comfortable silence.

"Just give me 20 minutes." He said already on his way to his bedroom , shutting the door behind him.

She walked over to the sliding door and went out onto the balcony. He had a great view over the city. She just stared at the city before her. The events of the last week coming back again. They'd gotten close to that blurred line again. Not on purpose. But before she could start to over-analyze anything Harvey called her back to reality.

"So are we going to get pancakes or are you just going to gawk at New York ?" He said as he stood by the sliding doors.

She turned to glare at him. He was dressed in dark chino's and a dark v-neck sweater with a white shirt underneath.

"Yes we are , now stop being a jerk." She started walking towards him and he stepped aside. " By the way your fly is down." She smiled as she passed him.

He looked down and saw that it wasn't.

"Real mature Donna." But she didn't see the huge smile plastered on his face.

xxxxxx

The cafè was small and intimate. Only a few tables and chairs. Dark wood lining the walls. Sunlight streaming in from the windows. Small lights decorating the ceiling. The smell of coffee was strong and albeit small the cafè was busy.

They took a table next to the window. The waiter came over and Donna ordered for both of them.

"Just trust me." She said seeing the look on Harvey's face.

"So how'd you find this place anyway ?" Harvey asked.

"Rachel actually. She and Mike were out oneday I think they were looking for flowers for the wedding. There's a flower shop around the corner. And they ended up here and she told me about it."

The waiter brought their order. Coffee and their speciality pancake, apple and cinnamon. Harvey took his first bite and groaned.

"Told you." She said.

They tucked in and ate in silence for the most part.

"That was good , I'll give you that." Harvey said sitting back.

"Don't doubt me again." She challenged.

"I rarely do." He said not backing down. "So is this it ? Or ?"

"Is hanging out with me that bad ?" She quircked and eyebrow.

"No , not at all. I'm just asking." He said. It really wasn't. He honestly did have a lot to do. Secretly he hoped that this wasn't it. Because she took his mind off things no matter what it was and he didn't want to go back to having to face those things just yet.

"Well you could come shopping with me, we could try to find a mini skirt for you." She starting laughing.

"Funny." He said his face serious.

"No you can go home and work."

"Thank you Donna. This was nice." He said getting up.

"Yeah it was." She agreed standing up.

xxxxx

Harvey was sitting on his couch with his laptop on his lap. But work was the furthest thing from his mind. The one thing he couldn't stop thinking about was bright amber and hazel green. Lately is was all her. In his dreams , in reality and _everywhere_ else. He couldn't stop his mind from going there even if he could he wasn't sure he'd want to.

He'd kept his distance over the years. Never mentioning anything about that night. Never making a move on her. Nothing. But since she pointed out that their lines were blurry he thought about it even more. And she was right. He had a big part to play in that. He called her , he showed up at her door and that was just the tip of the iceberg.

He clenched his jaw. This was not what he should be thinking about. They were on good terms after she walked away , after he chose her. There were things there that he didn't want to analyze. Something always stopped him from going to deep. But something was different with them. He just couldn't place it.

He went to bed and layed there. He would push this away. This was Donna his friend he had to just move forward. Or risk her walking away again and he didn't think he'd survive it if she did.

xxxxx

 **Monday.**

 **" _Quick to blame."_**

The day was bound to end with someone being pissed , someone being hurt and always someone in power.

Harvey had been in a good mood when he got off the elevator. Eventhough his right hand man was on his honeymoon he figured that he could survive 14 days without him. He kicked ass before Mike , he didn't get to where he was because of Mike. Although he'd helped him countless times. He'd always been good at his job and could certainly handle things. He was Managing Partner after all.

The day had gone well. Meetings, clients , law suits and so forth , all handled.

Harvey had some paperwork left and decided to stay to try and finish it before he would go home. It was nearing 12pm when Donna walked into his office.

"Hey you

, burning the late night oil ?" She asked walking to go and sit on the chair opposite him.

" Yes , I don't want to have to deal with this tomorrow. I'm almost done anyway." He said without even looking up.

"Well can you take a break for one minute and have a drink with me ?"

"What would we be celebrating ?" He asked finally making eye contact with her.

"Is celebrating the only reason to have a drink ?" She quipped back.

"No it's not , but..."

"But nothing Harvey." She cut him off. She stood up and walked over to where he kept his scotch and tumblers and poured two drinks before going to take a seat on his couch.

" Come on it's one drink and then I'll leave you in peace." She said gesturing for him to come and sit.

"Fine , but only because , I know you won't leave until I do." He stood up and took off his tie and laid it over the back of his chair where he'd already discarded his jacket hours before.

He took the glass she held up and took a seat next to her. He took a sip and let the liquid slip down his throat.

"I really needed this." He said before tilting the glass to take another sip.

"See there's a reason." She smiled at him.

He finished his and set the tumbler down on the table. He sat there just closing his eyes for a moment before he heard the clink of glass on glass.

"You always know just what to do and say." He said turning his body a fraction towards her.

"I'm Donna." She chuckled.

"Haven't heard that in a while."

"Yeah well there hasn't really been time these last couple of months. Being COO and Managing Partner has really taken a toll on.."

"You being a smartass." He cut her off.

"That too. I am not apologizing for that though."

"I didn't say you had to." He said before getting up to go stand at the window that overlooked the city. The moment had gotten almost too personal.

She joined him a moment later.

"You're doing a great job Harvey." She said softly. She knew that he doubted his abilities sometimes so she tried ro reassure him that he shouldn't.

"It's not that." He said shaking his head.

"Then what is it ?" She asked now turning her body towards him.

"It's nothing , it's just been a long day." He lied.

"Harvey , just talk to me." She put a hand on his shoulder.

He turned to face her.

"I don't want to talk and that's the the thing , I want..." His voice had gotten low.

"What do you mean Harvey , what do you want ?"

He takes a step forward. He's in danger of crossing that line. He pushes it and takes another step and another. Her hand slides from his shoulder to his chest when his body is but inches away from hers. He looks into her eyes. His gaze had turned a shade darker. It then dropped to her lips. Her mouth slightly parted. He then leans his head down slowly and until their breaths mingled. His lips almost , almost graze hers.

"Harvey , what are you doing ?" She whispers.

He pulls away and takes a step backwards.

"I'm sorry , I don't know what I was thinking." He clenches his jaw.

"I thought things were back to normal." She said her voice still quiet.

She was stunned but what almost happened. One side of her wantes him to cross that line over and over and over again , but the her rational side of her told her no. They were them and they couldn't go there right ? The last time someone did they almost lost 13 years.

"What does that even mean , we go back to smiling and drinking and flirting ? We go back to blurry lines ?" He said his voice now taking on an angry tone.

"What ?" She asked.

"You told me that after _you_ kissed _me_ when I said that our lines were clear."

"Because they aren't Harvey , they never were." This was bound to happen sometime. Their back to normal wouldn't last a life time.

"Harvey , look it was just a lapse in judgement that's all." She was trying to calm the storm that had started brewing.

"Like the past week ?" He countered.

"What do you mean the past week ? Nothing happened."

"It almost did Donna. More than once."

This was the second time ever that he admitted that something almost happened.The first was after the kiss.

"That was just..."

"It was just what Donna ?" He asked.

"I don't know what that was Harvey. Honestly I don't know. It could have been these last couple of months or maybe because of..." She stopped before she made it worse.

"You mean Paula." His pulse was racing now and because he had almost kissed Donna.

"Yes Harvey of course I mean Paula. It was a serious relationship at least for you and maybe after everything thing that happened. Maybe this is just you , I don't know rebounding." She looked down when she finished the sentence.

Perhaps it was, because it was a rough break up. He chose her over a serious relationship. It had been a month or so since it happened and maybe it was catching up with him only now.

"What did you just say ? You think I'd rebound ? With you of all people ?" He was getting more pissed by the second.

He realised after he said it how it came out and wished he could take it back. She stayed quiet after that.

"Donna that's not.."

"What you meant right ? Then tell me Harvey, what the hell do you think this is ?" She just shook her head.

"I don't have a fucking clue. And it's not what I meant." He threw his hands up.

"Well it has to stop. The last time one of us , and by that I mean me did _something_ it almost cost me my job."

"Why do you make it sound like it's my fault ? You kissed me Donna when I was with someone."

"I know what I did Harvey. And I've apologized for it and I almost walked away from something that I love." She started raising her voice.

"You know you are so quick to blame Donna. _You're_ the one that made that rule. And _you're_ the one who said we put it out of our minds and never mention it again. So I didn't, I never did. And then you go and kiss me and that's not to mention the other things that have happened." He matched her voice now.

"What the hell do you mean other things ?" She was just as angry now.

"The night after I saved you , we were on your couch." He said knowing she'd know exactly what he was talking about.

"You mean the night you told me you loved me ? And then the next day you said that nothing happened when you know as well as I do that it almost did."

"I walked away because of your rule. And if I didn't then you would have !"

"What are you talking about ?" Now she was really confused.

"You don't get involved with men you work with and so you would've walked away , you would've left me if we.."

"If we what ? Slept together Harvey ? So you told me you loved me instead then said it was out of pity the next day ? And another thing I walked away anyway."

"Ohh I remember that trust me. You left me high and dry !" His blood was boiling.

"No Harvey I didn't ! I told you that I would stay until you found a replacement !" Her eyes were starting to water.

This was white hot rage. They had fought but never like this. It never got this personal. They always turned back right before it got ugly and they couldn't go back. But not tonight.

"I shouldn't have had to ! You shouldn't have left me in the first place damnit."

"I needed to ! For me. It was always about you. You needed this or that and I just had to do it." She challenged back.

"Because it was your job Donna !"

"Yes Harvey it was ! But it was always more. You always needed more !" She was on the verge of losing her shit.

It was true , she was always more but not in _that_ sense. She was his secretary. She helped him with his personal troubles too. Whether it was with his relationship with Scottie or with his mother or when Mike almost went to prison. She was always there. Always.

And now here they were raging war from opposite sides of the line. Throwing accusations that imploded or firing bullets that would scar after the battel was over. The thing was that neither one knew on which side of the line they stood anymore.

"I never asked you to get involved the way you did !" He shouted back.

"Yes Harvey true , but that's why you hired me right ? I wasn't like other secretaries , that's what you said to Louis that first day."

" Yes and it was true you weren't !"

They couldn't stop.

"We keep going around in circles , we always end up here Harvey and I'm sick of it !"

"You have a rule Donna or did that just conveniently go away when you kissed me !" He was yelling now. The vein in is neck was throbbing.

"You bend rules to win sometimes. You risk a case to win. Why is that so easy ?!" She wasn't holding back.

"Because you're not a case ! I couldn't risk you !"

"You mean you couldn't risk losing you're secretary." A tear ran down her face.

"You were always more than that ! It was easy to risk cases , because I could live with the loss. I could live with the consequences ! But I can't live without you !"

"Then what am I Harvey ?" She couldn't take it anymore. It was now or never.

"I..." He started , but he couldn't finish.

"Just what I thought." She wiped another tear away.

"I'm going home, and don't you dare show up at my door !" She turned and started walking away just like she did when she told him she was leaving to go work for Louis.

He thought he'd never have to watch her walk away again. And here he was again for the 4th time in 13 years. Unable to move, watching her leave.

He still couldn't pin point why he felt this way. Why he'd exploded like this tonight. He knew he cared about her and he felt that he'd proved it on more than one occasion.

Things were different. They couldn't fool themselves anymore by trying to act like it was back to normal.

Neither of them knew what they wanted from the other and they had to figure it out.

How they went from having pancakes for breakfast to this he didn't know. He did almost kiss her that was most likely the trigger. But he didn't expect this, them ripping each other apart with 13 years worth of ammunition.

This was far from over. He knew that.

xxxxxx

 **Hope you enjoyed** **this chapter. Thank you for the support on the last chapter and just the story as a whole ! Please, Please, Please Review if you liked it or even if you didn't. Reviews keep this story going.**

 **Just want to thank DonnaRSpecter again, again for the help especially in this chapter !!!**


	4. Chapter 4

**_Chapter 4._**

 ** _She might not come back._**

Donna was in the shower. With her hand against the tiled wall as she let the water rush down her body, a few tears mingling with it. _This is so stupid._ She thought to herself.

She was crying yet again over a man who couldn't even tell her what she meant to him. She'd walked away so many times and everytime she came back. Hell knows why.

With that she shook her head. Turned off the water and got out of the shower wrapping a towel around her.

She walked into her bedroom, to her closet and picked out some pyjamas put them on and got into bed.

She should've expected this from him. He never could tell her what he really felt, why would that change now. And who said he felt anything anyway. Why did it bother her ? They both agreed to go back to normal and she wanted it to be.

But with everything that's happened in the last 13 years it was hard to think that he didn't feel at least something. If he told her that they were just friends she'd accept it and move on, but if that were true then why couldn't he just tell her that when they were hashing it out earlier.

He had done things that made what they were questionable. He remembered her anniversary with an ex boyfriend. He'd beaten the shit out of Stephen and even though he said it wasn't because of her she knew she was part of it. He'd taken her out to dinner and breakfast and bought her handbags just because. He went to her performances. He fought tooth and nail whenever she was in trouble. He always saved her. And then there was the fact that he chose her over Paula. She left and he came running to get her back.

Her rule kept him at arm's lenght for a long time, but she didn't think that it would lead to this.

She never thought that she'd be the one to cross the line. She kissed him. She was selfish in that moment and why she did she still wasn't a 100% sure about. Just like she wasn't sure if what she told Harvey about feeling nothing was the truth.

xxxxxxx

 ** _Thursday._**

A few days had gone by and Harvey and Donna had avoided each other completely. They'd used associates to tell the other what needed to be done and exchanged paperwork. They avoided having meetings together as well.

They were adults, but even they had their limits. This was way beyond what they had dealt with before.

Louis came into Donna's office.

"Hey Donna, I know this might not be any of my business. But what is going on with you and Harvey ?" He asked walking over until he stood behind the chairs across from her.

"Why would anything be going on ?" She asked looking up at him.

"I don't know, but you haven't in been in the same room since Monday. Did something happen ?" He asked.

He was worried. They hadn't been in the same room since Monday. They didn't talk to each other. When one saw the other they'd go in the opposite direction. He wondered what had gone wrong. And thought since Rachel wasn't here she'd confide in him. Not that he could keep it to himself, because he'd probably go and confront Harvey.

"You're right Louis it is none of your business." She said wincing at how cold she sounded.

She didn't want to come off that way but she knew that he'd leave the subject alone if she made it clear that she didn't want to talk about it.

"Right." He walked out looking a little hurt.

She sighed and leaned back in her chair a little. She did want to talk but just to Rachel, but she was on her honeymoon for another week or so. She didn't want to bother her with her personal problems.

So she just focused on her work. Ignoring the fact that the reason for her problems was literally on the other side of the wall. When they were in situations they couldn't deal with they both withdrew from it and dived into their work. It was a coping mechanism.

xxxxxxx

 ** _Friday._**

The day had been busy it was work, work and more work. The day came to a close when Harvey shut his laptop and gathered his things. He then made his way to the elevator. The moment he came around the corner he saw the doors almost shutting and ran to stop it. He didn't want to risk running in to Donna.

He put his foot in the door before it closed and it opened leaving him enough time to get in. Only when he got inside did he see her. She was standing at the back and he hadn't seen her until he got in.

She looked down immediately and he turned so his back was to her.

The silence was heavy.

"Do.." He couldn't do this anymore. He had hurt her again and he wanted to fix it.

"Don't, just don't." She said her voice void of emotion.

This was the first time she talked to him since their fight and after what they both said he should have known that this was how it would play out.

He was ignorant to think that he could fix it like this. In an elevator. He still had to figure out what he wanted and what he felt before they could even start to salvage what was left of them.

The ding went off and the doors opened. They both walked out and into different directions.

xxxxxxx

 ** _Wednesday._**

The tension kept building and by the time Mike and Rachel came back it was palpable. They still hadn't talked and avoiding each other had become an art form.

Donna heard a knock on her office door and looked up to find Rachel, she was glowing.

"Miss me ?" Rachel said as she went over to Donna. Donna stood up and smiled as she hugged her friend.

"You have no idea. How was the honeymoon ?" She asked when she pulled back.

"Ohhhh it was amazing ! The food, the people and Mike just wow !" She said with a huge smile on her face.

"That's great Rach." Donna said sitting back down.

Rachel followed suit and took a seat.

"How have things been here ?" Rachel asked eager to know.

"Work has been fine. Just really busy but we got it." Donna said trying to avoid the subject she knew Rachel was fishing for.

"That's good. But I meant Harvey, you two looked pretty cozy at the wedding." She said her voice holding a suggestive tone.

"So how was the weather there ?" Donna inwardly slapped herself for such a bad attempt at changing the subject.

"Sunny, now what happened with Harvey ?" Rachel pressed.

"It's a really long story." Donna sighed.

"That sounds serious." Rachel frowned.

"It is." Donna replied.

"Okay well tonight I'll come over and we can talk about it." Rachel wasn't Donna. She couldn't read people the way her friend did but she did know that her friend needed her and she would be there for her.

"You really don't have to. I'm fine." Donna said trying to convince herself more than Rachel.

"I'm coming over and that's final and besides we have to catch up."

"I'll see you then." Donna smiled.

Rachel nodded got up and walked out. Leaving Donna to try and shift her focus back on her work rather than the man a few feet away.

xxxxxxx

Mike came into Harvey's office seeing that he wasn't there so he decided he'd wait a few minutes before going back to his own office to catch up on work.

"Back already ? I didn't even notice you were gone." Harvey smiled walking past Mike to his desk.

"I know you missed me."

Harvey shook his head and sat in his chair.

"How was the honeymoon ?" Harvey asked.

"It was pretty amazing actually." Mike replied dying to ask Harvey about a certain redhead.

"So you and Donna, anything happen while we were gone ?" He asked trying to sound casual.

"Mike don't."

"Why not ?"

"Just don't." Harvey was trying to keep his cool.

"Harvey ?"

"Just leave it !" Harvey raised his voice clearly telling Mike that he needed to divert from that topic.

"Okay so how's work been without me ? Did Robin run into any problems ?" Mike asked trying to be humorous.

"I'm not the side-kick. You are." Harvey threw back. Although he'd never admit it he did miss the kid.

"Yeah sure if it makes you sleep at night."

"Sorry can you tell me who's name is on the wall ?" Harvey said.

"I can't I'm to busy kicking ass." Mike said with a smile on his face. He got up and buttoned his suit jacket.

"Well in that case go kick it somewhere else.While you were frolicking with doplhins in the tropics some of us had work to do." He joked.

"I don't frolick and it wasn't with dolphins." Mike shot back as he was almost out the door.

He walked the short distance to Donna's door and leaned on the frame.

"Hey." Mike said.

"Ohhhh did you bring me coffee ?" Donna asked not even looking up to know who it was.

"No sorry, but isn't me being back better ?" He quipped.

"Do you have a carmel and whipped cream coffee behind your back ?"

"No." He said still smiling.

"There's you're answer." She looked at him then.

Just as he was about to walk away he heard her voice.

"Welcome back Mike." He walked past the glass of her office and winked at her.

The rest of the day Mike and Rachel spent catching up on work and getting filled in on cases.

Rachel was on her way to her husband's office hoping he'd be there. It was nearing 7pm, and most of the people had headed home for the night.

"Hey you." She said sweetley, strolling in.

"Hi." He smiled at her.

"I missed you today." She walked to him.

"I did too Mrs.Ross." He said leaning down to kiss her.

"Well Mr.Ross I'm going to Donna's , it seems like something's up with her and Harvey and I told her I would go over and we'd talk about it." She said knowing he'd understand.

"Yeah I noticed , Harvey almost bit my head off when I brought Donna up. So I guess I'll go to him and I might find out what happened."

"Great idea see you at home then." She said turning on her heel ready to go before he grabbed her arm.

"You forgot something." Mike pulled her back. He kissed her again.

"See you at home." He said when he they parted.

xxxxxxx

Rachel knocked on Donna's door a few times before it opened.

"Hey Rach." Donna said stepping aside to let her pass.

"Hi." Rachel replied. She made her way to the couch and took a seat.

"You want something to drink ?" Donna offered.

"Yes please , do you have some wine ?"

"I like the way you think Michelle Ross." Donna joked dissapearing into the kitchen to get a bottle and two wine glasses.

She handed Rachel a glass before she sat down next to her. Pouring them both a healthy glass of alcohol.

"So are we going to get to the actual problem or ?" Rachel asked before she took a sip of the wine.

"Well there's no point in avoiding it." Donna shrugged setting down her glass.

"Donna what happened ? When we left you and Harvey seemed just fine."

Donna took a deep breath. She started by explaining what happened after she and Mike had left. How they ended up at the bar joking around and everything that followed. Him falling asleep on her couch, the breakfast on Sunday...

"He almost kissed me the next day. We were having a drink and it almost happened. I stopped him and then it all just..."

"Imploded." Rachel finished the sentence for Donna.

"That's putting it lightly." Donna said playing with the stem of her wine glass. Before telling her about the fight. And what had been said.

"Wow." Rachel was surprised to hear that they'd gone from being all sweet and happy to whatever this was in just two days. And that they hadn't spoken since.

Donna stayed quiet. She hadn't told anyone since it happened and was glad to get it off her chest. She was strong, but even she needed a shoulder sometimes.

"So you and Harvey haven't talked in almost two weeks ?" Rachel asked.

"No."

"Donna I can't even begin to imagine how awful that fight must have been. But avoinding it isn't going to help. It might do even more damage than talking."

"I know, I know. But Rachel we can't go back not after that." Donna bit the inside of her lip.

"Maybe you're not supposed to this time."

"Maybe." Donna ran a hand through her hair.

xxxxxxx

"Yeah so Rachel signed us up for this couples thing at the spa and we went for the massages and everything and then the last thing on the list was mudding. And the last time I did that with someone it was with Louis and so all I could see was Louis's ass the whole time."

"You went mudding with Louis ?" Harvey and Mike were both laughing.

"Yes I was young and naive and I learned my lesson trust me !" Mike sipped at his drink then.

"Mike as fun as it is to hear about your honeymoon I know that's not the reason you came here." Harvey said sitting back in his chair.

"No it's not. Rachel is with Donna so I'm here. To find out what the hell happened. And don't tell me it's nothing."

"We had a fight. Things were said and now she won't even talk to me." Harvey sighed.

"I knew it."

"What do you mean you knew it ? This isn't just on me." Harvey did what he always had in moments where he felt vulnerable he went into the offense.

"I didn't say that it was. What was the fight about ?" Mike pushed.

"I tried to kiss her." Harvey finally gave up. He'd hear it from Rachel anyway so why not tell his part of the story before he was made out to be the bad guy again.

"You did what ? What the hell were you thinking ?" Mike said stunned at what he'd just heard.

"I don't know. But before I could she stopped me and then it went to hell from there."

"What did you expect would happen. Look what happened after she kissed you." Mike just shook his head.

He didn't believe that this was all on Harvey. It takes two to tango, but after everything that happened he didn't think it would get to this. He still thought that there was something more there and hoped that they'd get to that after the wedding. Apparently not.

"I know." Harvey's lips pressed into a thin line.

"You know you can't keep doing this." Mike said.

"What do you mean ?"

"This back and forth. Look I had no idea that she'd kiss you after what I said. I thought that at the very most she'd just say something and I figured that it wouldn't affect you and Paula if it was serious." Mike explained.

"Yeah you mentioned it. I don't even know why I tried to kiss her. She said that I was rebounding." Harvey admitted.

"Maybe you were ?" Mike said almost sheepishly.

Harvey didn't know how to deal with his feelings especially not in relationships so it might have been a motive.

"No, I'd never be that stupid. And besides she said that she didn't feel anything when she kissed me that night. That whatever she thought might be there wasn't so it doesn't matter anyway."

"What did you say before that ?" Mike asked.

"I told her that I didn't want more, but what has that got to do with anything ?" Harvey sighed.

"Don't you think that maybe she said that, because of what you said ?"

"What ?" Harvey was starting to get annoyed.

"I'm saying that maybe she lied." Mike just shrugged.

"And why would she do that ?"

"I don't know, Harvey I have no idea how you're going to fix this. All I can do is tell you to think about it. If you don't one of these days it'll be too late."

"Mike what the hell are you talking about ?"

"I'm saying that one of these days she's going to walk away and she might not come back." Mike started to stand collecting his jacket off the back of his seat.

"Meaning ?"

"Meaning that you only get so many chances."

Harvey had started to get up too. He and Mike walked to the door and Mike opened it letting himself out.

"Just talk to her." Mike had turned back for a moment.

Harvey just nodded and closed the door. He didn't know where to start. Mike was right she might walk away someday and then she won't come back. But thinking back to that fight made him angry all over again.

She blamed him for everything that happened over the years. When all he did was respect her and that damn rule. It was a clear line at least from his perspective.

He didn't want them to be this way. Her avoiding him and not talking was way worse then her yelling at him. At least then he could defend himself. He could argue back, he could do the one thing he knew best, but she always won. She always had the upper hand. Or that was how he saw it. Although sometimes, most times he messed up and like that Monday she walked away crying. It always hit him, knowing that he could bring a woman like Donna to tears with one sentence. He hated it. But she always had the upperhand, because he always crawled back.

He couldn't let her go. He honestly couldn't live without her. He tried and look how that ended. The last time was a while back when he found her resignation letter on his desk, barely letting her leave before he ripped the letter up in front of her after he broke it off with Paula. The moment he saw that letter he didn't think twice about what he had to do to get her back. It was painful because he did care about Paula, but living without Donna wasn't something he could do.

He couldn't sleep when he went to bed. He tried to think of ways to make this better. This wasn't like the past where he could just say sorry and ask her to dinner. It wouldn't be that easy. She wouldn't even be in the same room as him.

He was still pissed about what had happened, it wasn't all his fault. They didn't get here just because of him.

xxxxxxx

Donna went back to sit on the couch after she and Rachel had said goodbye.

Talking to Rachel had made things a bit lighter. It still weighed on her, but she finally got a few things off her chest.

She sat back thinking about that fight. Although she hated to admit it he had made some good points, she hadn't even thought about it before just now.

It was true that she made that rule and he did for all his flaws and being the womanizer that he was he respected it. He never even hinted to anything that happened that night.

But then they almost crossed the line a few times. That night when he told her he should go. And especially when she kissed him and he leaned in. And then again the week of the wedding and again right before they turned on each other. Not in the sense that they betrayed each other, but they had used nearly every weapon in their arsenal. Shouting, blaming, accusing, implying and giving evidence to support every one.

It always came down to that. What had happened. What they were and not just personally but professionally as well. Donna knew that well. After all both times she went to court and was put on that witness stand everyone always assumed that she screwed Harvey to keep her job and then to get a promotion.

It wasn't as simple as Mike and Rachel thought.

Mike told her that she should tell Harvey how she felt and now Rachel told her that they had to talk. And maybe it would to more damage to avoid it, to avoid him, but talking, she wasn't sure how that would go.

If she were honest with herself, she didn't even know how she felt. The physical part she was very aware of and that line was just a line in the sand lately. They wiped it away long enough to tease or get close and then they turned back and drew it again.

But maybe that was all it was. Maybe it was just physical. Harvey had said that the kiss affected him.

This was one of the very few times in her adult life where she didn't know what was up or down. She didn't know how she felt and it was frustrating.

xxxxxxx

 ** _Thurday._**

Donna was in the bathroom washing her hands when the door swung open.

He walked in. A man on a mission.

He'd seen her walk past him very quickly in the direction of the bathroom and although he knew he'd be stepping over a boundary he had to try to do something. He didn't know what he was going to say, but at least this way she'd have to face him.

And besides it's not like they never used this technique before. They both had done this with each other and their friends a few times.

Her head shot up the moment the door knocked against the wall.

"Donna." He said, he had tried to work up the courage all morning to get her somewhere so they could talk.

"You and I have nothing left to say to each other Harvey." She tried to walk past him but he blocked her path.

"Really ?"

"I think we said it all, don't you ?" She knew what Rachel said was right, but she wasn't ready.

"Because I do." She said before he could even speak. "Now move, because I have a job to get back to."

Harvey could see the anger burning in her eyes. He didn't want to push her. Not here. Not at work.

He stepped aside to let her pass. He turned to the mirror and opened one of the faucets and let some water pool into his hands before he splashed it on his face.

He walked out pissed, he was trying to say sorry so they could get on neutral ground. But what could he say that he hadn't before. That he was sorry.That he couldn't be him without her. All those times she'd been gone. She was fired once, then she left him for Louis and when he went to her after he found the letter he ripped it up, the gesture telling her that he sure as hell wasn't accepting her resignation.

But now, she was here. Her office was right next to his. But he felt like they were worlds apart and he didn't know how to brigde that gap. She wouldn't let him either.

He met Mike in the conference room. It was all he knew for certain. How to do his job. He and Mike met with the client and the opposing council to talk about settling. It kept his mind busy and for a while he forgot about whatever was happening outside those glass walls.

xxxxxxx

"Hey, are you busy ?" Rachel's head shot up when she heard Donna's voice.

"Uhmmm no, just finishing up." It was lunch and most people had taken their break, but Rachel had to catch up on work and decided to stay in. Figuring that she'd try to do as much as possible before the work really piled up.

"I need to talk to you." Donna asked fiddling with her hands like she did when she was unsure or uncomfortable in a situation.

"Yeah of course, please sit." Rachel gestured toward the chair in front of her.

"Thanks, it's about Harvey. He walked into the bathroom earlier and it seemed like he wanted to talk." She said crossing one leg over the other.

"And what did he say ?" Rachel asked curious to know if Donna had actually taken her advice.

"I cut him off and walked out before he got the chance. I know what you said, but I don't know what to say to him. I usually just know but this is different."

"Donna, why can't you just say what you feel ?" Rachel asked.

"That's the thing I don't know how I feel..." Her voice trailed off.

"Okay well do you know what you want from him ?"

Donna looked at Rachel and shook her head.

"No." Her voice became a little shakey.

"I think you need to go and figure it out. You just said yourself that you don't even know how you feel so maybe that's step one." Rachel said.

"How do I do that ?" Donna had given up.

"You talk to him."

"What if that just makes it worse ?"

"What if it doesn't ?" Rachel countered. She'd never seen Donna like this. It's like she was lost.

"Thanks Rachel." Donna said getting up. Rachel was right. Perhaps if they talked then it could help them both figure this out once and for all.

Donna made a desicion on her way back to her office. Tonight she would confront him. They were going to lay it all to bare.

xxxxxxx

Harvey was about to step into the elevator when Rachel and Mike came around the corner and Mike shouted to Harvey to keep the doors open for them.

He didn't know why, there was more than one elevator, but he did anyway.

Mike and Rachel stepped inside and the bing corresponded with the doors closing.

"So have you and Donna talked yet ?" Mike asked cautiously.

"No." Harvey's answer was short. He didn't want to elaborate further.

"I think you should." Came Rachel's soft voice.

"I tried okay and she barely gave me the time of day." Harvey snapped back. Not intending to, but it was getting ridiculous.

"Okay we're just trying to help you don't have to be a dick about it ." Mike said.

"I'm sorry. I'm just tired of fighting with her." He really was. He hadn't slept much since it happened. If at all, the fight had been on a loop in his head for the past two weeks.

The elevator dinged again and the doors opened.

"Just try." Mike patted Harvey's back as he walked out with Rachel.

Harvey walked out and into the cold air took a deep breath and then proceeded to walk towards the black Lexus a few feet away and got in.

xxxxxxx

Harvey opened the door to his apartment and when he came around the corner he saw Donna sitting in the almost exact position she did when she told him she was going back to him.

He took off his jacket and threw it over a stool in the kitchen.

"What are you doing here ?" He asked walking towards her.

"I came here to talk." She said as she took a sip of scotch.

He only then noticed that she'd poured two drinks and his was on the far side of the table. An indication that although she wanted to talk she wanted there to be distance between them.

"I thought we didn't have anything left to say." He bent down and took the tumbler before moving to sit on the other side of the table.

The only light in the apartment being the roaring fire.

"Maybe we do." She looked at him then.

"Well then where do we start ?" He asked.

This was a mine field. There could be a pressure sensoured bomb around every corner and if they didn't tread lightly they could lose everything.

She just shrugged. She had no idea herself.

"Okay, well I could start by saying that I'm sorry, I'm sorry that I tried to kiss you. And just so you know you're not a rebound." His voice was strong, he meant it she wasn't a rebound she never could be.

"Okay and I'm sorry that I implied that I was." She tapped her fingers against the arm rest.

"So now on to the rest.." He was afraid of the rest. He took a big gulp then set his empty glass back on the table.

What was said during that fight couldn't be taken back or neither could it be soothed over with a few apologies. They had to man and woman up. Own up to it and take it from there.

Donna nodded agreeing to what he'd just said. She took a deep breath.

"I know the break up was rough and I'm sorry that I put you in that position. I know I've apologized before, but I am sorry." She said avoiding eye contact.

"It was, but I'd do it again if it meant you staying." He stated and she then looked at him and he saw a sliver of relief pass through her.

They were both adults. But they handled this like teenagers. Now they would talk until they figured it out. It was now or never.

"I still feel bad about the break up. You seemed happy and I knew it was getting serious." Donna admitted.

"It was and I was. But sometimes things just don't work out. If you could do it over again would you change anything ?" His question was bold.

"You mean if I could go back would I not have kissed you ?" He nodded. "I told you I don't know what I'd do even if I could." She was being honest.

That's the only way they were going to get through this. And maybe this would help her to know what she wants, what she really wants from him. Because maybe they were right for each other or maybe they weren't right at all. And this was just something they made up to stay friends / colleagues for as long as they did.

"Right." He remembered her on that rooftop telling him that she was sorry for the first time after the kiss.

"We said we'd tell each other the hard truths right ?" She suddenly asked.

"Yes we did."

"When you said that the kiss affected you, what did you mean ?" She wasn't completely sure and she wanted to know.

"I think you know what I meant." He said.

She was trying to be coy, but they did agree to tell each other the truth and tonight they would both bide by that. She shook her head.

"I meant that when you kissed me all I could think about was that night and what we did and..." He left the rest for her to complete knowing she'd connect the dots.

She was staring into her glass now. She didn't know how to respond to him, he was being completely and willingly honest.

"I know why you have that policy now more than ever." Harvey said after a few minutes.

"It keeps things from getting complicated or it was meant to anyway." She turned her head up and locked eyes with him.

"How did we get here Donna ?"

"I don't know." She chuckled and turned her head again to stare into the flames.

They weren't any closer to solving this. So they either had to walk away and forget like they had a dozen times before or kick it up to highest setting.

Walking away now would be much worse. The consequences would be catastrophic. At least if they could admit and own up to things they would finally know where they stand. They would be able move on whatever the outcome.

"Why did you try to kiss me ?" Donna asked.

Harvey took a moment. He'd thought about it since it happened and there were a few reasons he could think of. It was in fact a lapse in judgment, or it was just a moment, maybe he was looking for comfort.

"Because I wanted to." He said simply.

"So just because ?" She asked annoyingly.

"What am I supposed to say ?" He threw his hands up.

"I can't tell you what you're supposed to say Harvey." She just smiled to herself shaking her head.

This was going to end up be exactly like the first time. They'd yell, accuse and go home. Both unhappy and unsure.

"I don't know what you want from me Donna !" He jumped up from his chair , putting his hands on hips as he bit the inside of cheek.

"You know what, this isn't going to work." She got up and took her handbag and coat and started to walk past him.

"Did you lie about the kiss ?" His voice was like a lightning strike. Making her stop dead in her tracks.

"What ?" She turned to face him again.

"You said you didn't feel anything."

She stayed quiet. Hoping he'd let her leave.

"Donna.." His voice was almost a plea.

He wanted to know. He had to know. The question had been burning a hole in his brain since Mike told him she might have lied.

He waited for her answer.

"Yes I lied." She looked at him.

His face was illuminated by the fire's light. Each shadow making him look dark. There was something in his gaze she couldn't place. He had the power now, he had the upperhand.

He didn't need another second to react. He knew what he wanted to do, what he needed to do.

He walked up to her and grabbed her waist and tugged her body hard up against his. His other went to her face caressing her cheek and slid into her hair to the back of her head and his lips crashed onto hers. Making her drop her bag and coat. She hadn't expected this to happen, but now that it had she didn't want to stop.

He wasn't trying to be gentle, he didn't try to seduce and he made sure that she could feel every inch of his body as it was pressed against hers. He tugged on her lower lip once, twice and then bit down a little hard making her gasp and he took the opportunity to slide his tongue in. Tilting her head to the side he groaned as he tasted scotch and something that was so uniquely her. Their tongues battled and the air had grown thick and hot.

Her hands had come up and grabbed onto the lapels of his jacket and she matched his hunger ten fold. He tasted dark and of scotch and it was intoxicating. She sucked on his lower lip until it slipped out from between hers. And he growled, a low rumbling sound in his chest. It was the sexiest sound she'd ever heard.

His lips moved to corner of her mouth and then to her jaw. Nipping here and there and he pulled her head to the side exposing her neck. He ran his tongue over her pulse point and she let out a breathless _Harvey._

It spurred him on and he sucked and bit harder knowing he'd leave a mark. The hand around her waist had moved to the small of her back pushing her hips into his. And then she felt him, _all of him_ and suddenly it all became too real too fast and she snapped out of the daze she was in.

She pushed at his shoulder, but she had to bite back a groan when he ground his hips into hers.

"Harvey stop." It took all of her strength to push him away.

He looked up. Her lips were raw and her skin flushed, but her eyes cut through him. They were watery.

"It's not enough Harvey." She was still panting a little. He let her go.

"It's not enough." She repeated.

She looked at him one more time and ran n hand through her hair then picked up her coat and bag. Her eyes stinging as she walked out the door and into the elevator.

She wanted him, but not just for tonight. She saw the broken look on his face when she told him it's not enough. The attraction was there that she couldn't deny that and the way he kissed her told her that he did feel something. But simply feeling something wasn't enough.

She knew now what she wanted from him. _Everything_ , she wanted everything.

She wanted the flirting, and the laughing and the sex. She wanted the dates, she wanted to be the one he made breakfast for. She wanted to be the one he woke up to and went to sleep with. She wanted the arguing but only over where to eat and who slept on which side of the bed. And so much more.

She was a strong, independent woman who never needed a man. She never chased after one and she almost never let a man hurt her. But here she was. He was the only one who had enough of her to break her heart.

He wanted her in that moment and it felt good, but for how many moments would he want her until he moved on to the next one.

This is why she had that rule.

She should've walked away years ago, but she couldn't and now she was paying for it. But she wouldn't leave her job, not after how hard she worked to get there. She'd go home and put herself back together one way or another.

xxxxxxx

Harvey had walked to the door right after she closed it. He thought he would have caught her, but when he opened it she wasn't there.

He'd screwed up. Genuinly screwed up. He just followed his body and the rapid beating inside his chest.

He thought that if he couldn't tell her how he was feeling in that moment he'd show her.

And then she said he wasn't enough. And right then his heart had stopped all together. And now his tie felt too tight and the room got hot and his breathing quickened.

She was right. He wasn't enough. She always just gave and all he ever did was take and he did it all too willingly.

He went to the sink and turned on the tap and splashed cold water on his face and tried to steady his breathing.

He walked to the edge of the kitchen island and grabbed it until his knuckles turned white. Until the world around him stopped spinning.

xxxxxxx

The taxi ride home felt like it took an eternity. Everything seemed to slow down and speed up at the same time.

Her head was spinning with pleasure and her heart was drowing in pain.

He clearly saw her like that. And if not for their history, for the fights they had or for who they were. She would've let him have his way with her. For the most part she was always in control and it made her feel safe. But tonight she almost relinquished it. She wouldn't make that same mistake again.

What he did had done more damage and would leave fresh scars along with the old ones having been reopened.

She didn't know what she felt or what she wanted, but now that she knew, it was a bitter pill to swallow.

The kiss was everything she thought it would be if it ever happened again. It was hungry and it shot pleasure to every extremity.

But it wasn't enough. She accepted him the way he was. Every flaw, every rough edge it formed part of why she...why she loved him and that realisation scared her more than anything. She loved him she always had.

The cab came to a stop and she pulled herself together long enough to get through her door.

When the door closed she turned at leaned back against it. Sinking to a crouching postition she let her head fall.

She loved Harvey, she wanted everything from him.

She was in love with a man who struggled to say what he felt. And that was just about day to day things let alone feeling something for someone. He never could tell her what he meant. They were friends, close friends but even then there were things that didn't make it completely platonic.

She was almost heaving as her chest constricted. This is exactly why she had that rule. It was to protect her heart but also her job.

Just thinking about going back there Monday made her stomach turn. They hadn't solved anything they just complicated it even more.

She couldn't blame him at all she kissed him right back without hesitation.

She meant what she said. Whatever that was it wasn't enough. She wanted it to be, but after so long it wasn't. If he couldn't tell her what he felt then what was the point ? Be together until he got bored or decided that she wasn't what he wanted at all ?

She'd never been this unsure, this hurt and all it took was a moment.

She let her guard down around him thinking that it would be fine. But she didn't think it would get to this, for all she knew she didn't know that he was able to cut her so deep.

Loving him in this moment was the most painful thing she'd ever felt.

xxxxxxx

Harvey let go of the counter when he felt stable enough to stand on his own.

He took a few breaths, he'd fucked up with her, of all people.

The one person who for the better part of 13 years stood right by his side. She always went above and beyond for him without having to be asked. And in turn he supported her and protected her when he needed to not having to think twice about it. She'd been his friend, the only woman he'd let in, not that he had a choice she just pushed until he did. She knew him better than anyone.

He decided that he couldn't let her go. Letting her walk away tonight, letting her walk away back then was one of the dumbest things he'd ever done.

He rushed out the door and into the elevator. Pushing the button impatiently, forcing the elevator to move faster at least in his mind.

He got outside and realized that he hadn't taken his phone or his coat, but he couldn't care.

He hailed a cab, told the driver the adress and to step on it. The driver hauled ass as much as he could in the traffic and without being pulled over by the police.

He threw a few bills at the driver that he had in his back pocket not caring enough about the exact amount.

He got out and slammed the door before running up the steps.

He got to the elevator and decided that he really hated them. Because in moments like this they always seemed to be too slow for the frantic beating in his chest and ears.

He must have looked horrible seeing the way an eldery couple stared at him.

He finally got to her floor and made quick work of getting to her door.

He knocked on her door and nothing happened and then he knocked again and the same thing happened. Which was nothing.

"Donna open the door." His voice sounded defeated and hoarse.

"Donna.." He pleaded. His curled fist and forehead resting against the only thing standing between them.

"Donna please." This was the second time tonight that he'd begged her to answer.

xxxxxxx

 **I want to THANK everyone soooo much for their support and reviews it means so much** **! The support has been beyond what I expected.**

 **First of all I know this chapter is kinda long and it's getting serious but please bear with me. It will get lighter like in the first few chapters. But why make it easy ? Where is the fun in that.**

 **Second I'm really unsure about this chapter. I struggled with it more than I thought I would. But I sincerely hope you enioy it.**

 **Third thing Please Review ! I loving seeing your thoughts on it and its keeps this going !**

 **Last but not least I wanna dedicate this chapter to DonnaRSpecter who's always so patient and ready to help. Thank you !**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5.**

 ** _Not enough._**

 ** _Friday._**

Donna stood on the other side of the door. Forehead against the wood, her eyes shut tight. Almost mimicking the position Harvey was in.

The door stood between them like her rule had for more than a decade. Keeping both of them just out of reach of the other.

She waited for him to leave. Being completely silent. The only sound in the room being her breathing.

But she felt his presence on the other side of the damn door. If she listened carefully she could hear his own breathing.

"Please just let me in." His voice came through the door again.

In a moment of weakness Donna let her hand curve around the handle. She slid the lock back and pushed the handle down.

xxxxxxx

The door opened slowly and there she stood. Eyes bloodshot, hair slightly ruffled and biting the inside of her lip.

His chest tightened again. They kept looking at each other not uttering a word.

After seconds or mintues or hours she stepped aside and he walked in.

She closed the door, but didn't face him.

"I'm sorry." His voice came and she closed her eyes.

"For what ?" She replied after a moment.

"That kiss. I know I fucked up." He sighed wondering if she would ever turn around.

"Yes you did." Her voice seemed distant.

"I don't know how it happened." He replied to her still turned back.

"Donna please look at me." His voice was almost desperate.

He waited and watched her. Her head hung slightly.

She pulled some much needed air into her lungs and turned to him.

They'd been here before. Trying to deal with the aftermath of some kind of emotional or physical boundary having been crossed. The first few times were ugly, but they could go back. It had taken days, weeks maybe even a month or so.

But lately the conseqeunces were greater, the boundries crossed were riskier. It couldn't be fixed or swept under the provebial rug. Not anymore.

Her eyes flashed up to his. And they were suspended in time. Like being in the eye of the hurricane. It was the calm before the storm. The last few weeks being merely build ups to what was inevitable.

"Bullshit." She fired at him when she found enough strength.

She caught her second wind and was ready for another battle. He was the enemy tonight, despite having realized what she felt and what she wanted.

"Donna I don't want to fight anymore." His voice desperate.

"Right. I kissed you months ago and all hell broke loose. But you go and do that and I'm supposed to what. Let it go ?" Her tears were dried up and she wouldn't let him get away with this.

"I said I was sorry Donna !" He was trying to stay calm. He had slightly raised his voice.

They were teetering on the edge and one mistake would prove to be fatal to their 13 years.

"Sorry isn't going to cut it. This isn't something that can be fixed with a half assed apology." She shot back.

She hadn't moved from her spot infront of the door and neither had he from his own at the far end of the table. It was a battle field. The only thing keeping them from ripping each other to shreds.

"Don't you think I know that !" He ran a hand through his hair.

Donna sighed. She walked towards the couch. She folded her knees and turned her body to the back rest. Letting her eyes falls shut as she put a hand against her throbbing temple.

Harvey followed her a moment later and sat down. His elbows on his knees and his head a little hung.

"So what do we do now ?" He asked quietly.

She bit her lip and let her hand down to the other one. Fidgeting with her hands was a tell tale sign that she was nervous or that she didn't know how to handle a situation. Which was pretty rare on her part.

"I...maybe we just take some time." She breathed out now looking at him.

"What does that mean ?" He asks lifting his heavy head to look into her eyes.

She looked at him trying to understand what had happened. In all but one night they'd admitted things, he'd kissed her like it was the last thing he'd ever do and they'd fought again. And now they sat looking at each other trying to find an easy way out. As always.

"It means that we don't go back to normal. We don't hang out or have drinks we just work together and that's it." She said.

"For how long ?" He asked.

"I don't know Harvey. What happened tonight it's...it's not...we can't go back to smiling and drinking." She chuckled half heartedly.

Leaving the flirting part out of it in fear of sparking another fire they couldn't bliss.

He stayed quiet and just nodded. He got up and looked at her one last time.

He walked to the door. Wrapped his hand around the handle and pushed it downwards. He walked out and shut it.

xxxxxxx

Donna hadn't moved since he left. They'd been fighting for weeks. Touching on subjects they'd never dared to before. Coming to conclusions neither had expected.

Tonight had been a rollercoaster. Taking her from being angry and yelling to gasping for air as he'd kissed her, heartbreaking realizations and then back to being angry and yelling. It was a vicious circle. Always bringing them back to this.

They always knew where the boundries were. Emotionally, physically but that didn't make the lines clear. They knew exactly where they were and still flirted with the possibility of crossing them. The lines were blurry because neither one had cared to keep them straight and clear.

She knew she loved him now. That she always had. But this wasn't worth the fall.

All the fighting and accusing had been enough to open up a gaping chasm that now stood between them. Each stuck on opposite sides with no knowledge on how to bridge it.

xxxxxxx

Harvey shut the door to his apartment and walked in until he stood in front of the sliding doors.

He put both hands in his pockets. He stared out at the blinking lights and bustling cars. Hoping he'd find clarity.

When Mike told him that there was a possibilty that Donna had lied about the kiss his mind had started reeling. Why would she lie and if she had would she admit it if he asked. And then he asked. And she admitted that she had. He wanted to push further and ask why she lied. But before he knew it he had shoved his tongue down her throat.

His body had made the decision without consent from his brain. The blood had flowed into a different direction that wasn't necessarily his brain.

For a moment he didn't regret it at all. Not until she pushed him away and told him it wasn't enough. Another question that would go unanswered along with a thousand more.

For the first time he wanted to talk. To deal with whatever had unfolded in the weeks gone by.

The situation with Donna had escalated to heights he'd never imagined. And all it took was a simple touch and an almost kiss.Two other incidents where he just did without thinking.

Things had been different from the night she walked up to him and just layed her lips on his. The effects would be long term. It would stir up years of unsolved incidents. Which at the time had seemed big, but looking back it had nothing on what had happened in a matter of weeks.

He still had to ask _himself._ why.

xxxxxxx

 ** _Saturday._**

Donna woke up to the sound of her phone ringing.

She hadn't slept much. Each time she closed her eyes the night had replayed itself over and over until she just gave up and exhaustion took over finally letting her rest.

She reached over and took her phone from where it lay beside the lamp.

She looked at the screen and saw that it was Rachel. She let the phone ring a little longer and then she decided to just let it go. As much as she loved Rachel she didn't want to be asked a million questions. It would start with if she had talked to Harvey yet and from there it would just go on and on.

She rolled onto her back letting the phone drop beside her on the bed.

The night before seemed like a dream. But a pang of pain hit her in the chest and she knew it was real.

She finally figured it out. It took one question and one hell of a kiss and a lot of tears to get there but she did. And now every fibre of her being wished she hadn't.

She'd probably never tell him anyway. It wouldn't help. He'd run and treat her like a stranger. She knew him when it came to the emotional part of a relationship. He avoided and dodged it for as long as humanly possible and it would take something like walking away to make him see what he had and what he felt.

But part of her knew she wasn't all that innocent. On the contrary all of this had been her doing. Sleeping with him the first time then making that rule only to break it a decade later. That damn rule. It was the epicenter for this shit storm. The rule held up well for a long time but some walls just crumble.

In all fairness if she hadn't made that rule, she and Harvey probably wouldn't have made it past the first few months at the firm or the DA's office for that matter. It had served it's purpose. It had run it's course.

Leaving two people in the wake of the damage it had managed to cause.

xxxxxx

Harvey had been running for over an hour. Trying to clear his head, the night before had etched itself into his brain like a stone carving. Never dissapearing and always present.

His mind flicked through the events like those old toy camera's one could look into and saw something before clicking a button to change it.

He'd pushed himself harder each time he thought about the fights they'd had and the things that were admitted and that kiss.

He pushed until his lungs stung in desperate need of oxygen. His head was throbbing and he was covered in a layer of sweat. He wanted to run. Thinking it might help.

But it hadn't brought him any closer to what he felt. He knew he cared about her and that she affected him more than he'd like to admit.

It could be easy to say that it was just the physical that had changed, but whatever had shifted had the effect of tectonic plates. Sending a ripple through what he had always thought was clear. The ripple ran deep it wasn't just tension even he knew that.

This arguing wasn't about crossing the physical boundry as much as it was about what was behind it.

He stopped. Took out his earphones, usually the music would soothe him or amp him up but he'd gotten lost in thought and hadn't heard anything. His breathing slowly returned to normal and he started running again.

xxxxxxx

Donna heard a knock and hoped that it wasn't Harvey. She said they just needed time and that didn't mean less than 24 hours.

She begrudgingly walked to the door and counted to three before opening it.

In the door stood Mike and Rachel. She put on her best smile, but on the inside she was dreading what was to come.

An inquisition from not one but both of them.

"Hi." Rachel said.

"Hey, what are you guys doing here ?" She asked feigning innocence, but knew all too well why they were here at 3 in the afternoon on a Saturday.

"Well we just thought we'd drop by." Mike smiled at her.

"So you were just in the neighborhood ?" Donna quipped, stepping aside to let them in.

"You could say that." Rachel said.

"Well would you like anything to drink ?" Donna offered.

"Uhmmm no we're fine thanks." Mike replied.

"Okay then." Donna sat down on the chair that stood to the side if the couch.

"So you weren't in the neighborhood were you ?" Donna squinted at Mike and Rachel.

They both shook their heads, shy smiles appearing on their faces.

"It's about you and Harvey, we told him he should talk to you and then maybe you could sort things out." Mike started.

"Yeah I mean it couldn't do any more harm could it ?" Rachel added.

Donna sat back and started fiddling with her hands.

"Trust me it could." She said not making eye contact.

"You talked didn't you ?" Mike answered.

"Yes we did. Last night actually." Donna shrugged.

"And it didn't go well ?" Rachel said connecting the dots.

"No." Donna looked at her friends.

"What happened ?" Mike asked carefully knowing not to push to hard.

"We started talking and then we started yelling and then..." Her voice trailed off.

"Then what ?" Rachel's voice was soft.

"Then things just got more complicated." Donna said.

"You guys didn't ?" Mike asked not sure what she meant by more complicated.

"Ohhhh no." Donna said quickly.

She knew what Mike was referring to and it would make sense if it was taken out of context.

She could tell them about Harvey shoving his tongue down her throat, but that would lead to a whole other set of questions and them making assumptions. As much as she loved both of them this wasn't something she was willing to share just yet. She was still processing and it was hard enough by herself without adding her sweet, but meddling friends into the mix. They meant well, but this was different to all the other times she and Harvey had-had problems. It was just a little too personal for this moment.

The whole apartment had gotten quiet. Leaving them all to their thoughts for a beat or two.

"Donna I'm sorry that we kept pushing for you guys to talk. Honestly we both thought it would help." Rachel apologized looking at her friend with utter compasion.

"We didn't know it would make things worse. " Mike added.

"I know you both meant well, but this is just something Harvey and I have to deal with on our own." Donna said.

"We just don't want you guys to be unhappy." Mike replied a small smile of reassurance on his lips.

"It's complicated, but we'll figure it out." Donna said looking between her two friends.

"We know. You always do. It takes some time, but we know." Rachel said knowing it was true.

Before Donna could say more Mike started to get up. Rachel following suit.

"Well we better get going and leave you in peace. We caused enough damage for one week." Mike joked.

"Thank you for coming by." Donna said following them to the door. Mike kissed her on the cheeck and said goodbye.

"I'll be right there I just need a minute." Rachel said to Mike who nodded and walked around the corner.

"Donna." Rachel tilted her head to the side. Knowing that there was more behind the it just got more complicated.

"Rachel." Donna answered in the same tone.

Rached crossed her arms and quirked a brow.

"We kissed after we argued okay. He asked me about the kiss and I answered and the next thing I knew." Donna said finally giving up. Knowing she would have told her at some point anyway.

"That's huge and by that I mean whoa !" Rachel was slightly shocked.

"Yeah." Donna answered shortly.

Rachel stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Donna. Knowing that as simple as a kiss was it was huge for the two of them. Especially after Donna had told her that you couldn't go back. And what happened after she had kissed Harvey. But just then she said we kissed which meant that Harvey may have initiated it which was pretty big.

"I hope you guys can figure this out." Rachel said letting go of Donna.

"Me too." She smiled at her friend.

Rachel smiled back and started walking away leaving Donna to yet again go back to trying not to think about Harvey and last night, but it didn't help since she ended up doing it anyway. It wasn't something she could forget.

There were still so many things that had gone unsaid and the questions that had formed especially after the kiss were still unanswered. It was unfinished business and it couldn't go on for another decade. Somewhere and somehow they would have to come to a conclusion.

His feelings was the thing she was most unsure about. One minute they were arguing and the next he had her gasping for air with a kiss. Making this much harder. It wasn't an easy fix this time they had truly crossed the line. They weren't flirting with boundaries anymory they had taking the boundaries home with intentions to hit replay on what had happened that night. And they were both at fault for that.

She had had enough time to push him away when he kissed her, but she hadn't. She was overwhelmed and wanted it as much as he seemed to have. But whatever that was, it had made her see what she felt, but it wasn't the answer.

She loved him. But she had to know how he felt and if he couldn't tell her then she would have to suck it up and move on. It might ruin her, but like always she would recover and this time she wasn't running.

xxxxxxx

Harvey had come home after the run and had sat down with some work and scotch. Knowing that for a few hours work would occupy his mind and not Donna.

He'd gone through a few things, signed some documents. Typed up some papers and made some calls. It had kept most of his brain busy, but a small part still couldn't let her dissappear for even the sligtest amount of time.

He went into his room put on sweats and a t-shirt and kicks before picking up his duffle bag.

xxxxxxx

The one place that always helped to let out frustration and get his mind right smelled like sweat and the punches being dealt out against punching bags had a soothing rhythm. A beat of one two, one two before it changed slightly and became one, two, three before assuming its natural rythym.

He wrapped both hands making sure they were tight and secure before putting on gloves and headed to one of the punching bags. He started his own rhythm. One, two, one, two, one, two, consecutively. Each one slightly harder than the last.

She once again slipped into his beat, into what he'd done on a regular basis. She had a funny way of integrating herself into his daily routines. She didn't do it on purpose and he wasn't completely oppsed to it. She had organised his like for a good ten years so she knew the ins and outs. Professionally and personally. Even these days. He still drank vanilla in his coffee. He still had that cactus she gave him and it was things that were always present. A constant.

He started punching harder and harder the bag ricocheing against his heavy blows. She told him it wasn't enough. He had no idea what she meant. She said she lied about the kiss. Why had she lied and what did she feel. He was affected but did he feel something. Would they always be fighting. Could they fix this and could they ever be the same again.

A million questions twisting into a tornado inside his head. The only thing ripping him from getting caught up was the slight stinging coming from his hands.

He continued until he realized that this had the same affect as running had. His body responded but his mind was untouched by his usual methods of dealing with issues. In fact all it had done was bring up more and more questions and no answers. No revelations. He was stuck and he didn't know how to get out.

xxxxxxx

Sunday had come and gone filled with the same tossing and turning as the day before and the day before that. Both trying to come to senseable conclusions and trying to find answers. They didn't get to any and sure as hell didn't fine any.

xxxxxxx

 ** _Monday._**

Donna put on her best smile. She wasn't okay in fact she was a wreck. But if she wasn't alright on the inside than she would sure as hell act like it on the outside.

Work would be a safe haven. An escape. Which would be slightly difficult considering he was just on the other side of the wall. But she would be polite and amicable. She'd do her job, go home, sleep and repeat. And this would be her routine until she and Harvey could talk without it ending in fighting or other things.

She walked to her office head held high. If she were to run into Mr.I'mSorryIFuckedUp then a simple and amicable Hi or Goodmorning would do. They'd agreed on working together and that's what they'd do. Nothing more and nothing less.

xxxxxxx

They elevator doors slid open and Harvey walked out. He walked out and onto his floor.

He and Donna had agreed to take some time and perhaps she was right. They needed some distance. Just to recover and patch their wounds.

They wouldn't avoid each other. Not completely anyway. It would be strictly professional.

xxxxxxx

Weeks had gone by and they had stayed at arm's lenght of one another. At work they avoided late nights or being alone in a room for a long period of time.

Personally they avoided everything else. No one showing up at someone else's door in the middle of the night. No early phonecalls. No confrontations in bathrooms. No talking or mentioning it in any way form or shape.

It had worked for a period of time. Until the questions had piled up along with the frustration of not getting to talk about the things that kept them awake.

Neither could take the first step. Donna waited for Harvey and he waited for her. She figured his impatience and need to tie up loose ends would've forced him to try and bring up the troubles they both faced. And he thought that she'd decide that enough time had gone by and that they could possibly have a discussion.

They were on a chess board. Up to their last pieces. Neither daring to make another move without careful consideration. They couldn't go guns balzing into this again. They had to think about it. But both lacked the courage it would take to broach the actual problems. Both waiting in suspense for the other to give in.

xxxxxxx

Donna had become tired of restless nights. Harvey on the forefront of her mind. During the day it wasn't a problem but at night he was even more present.

It was getting ridiculous, but she couldn't let herself give in and have them go back to being friends. They were well past that at this stage whether he felt something for her or not. He did care about her she could deduct that from 13 years, but whether she meant more was still a mystery.

But she couldn't just ask him or tell him what she felt, it would ruin them. But also she couldn't just sit back and wait. She'd put her life on pause as his secretary, not necessarily meaning that she didn't have a life. Her relationships with other men had always taken a beating because of Harvey. He was pretty damn demanding and sometimes even slightly possessive when it came to her. Which meant that for the most part of 13 years he'd been the center of her focus and attention.

Whatever they were or whatever they had become she couldn't wait around for another decade for Harvey to tell her what was what. She wouldn't out herself on the line, emotionally at least for him. She said they needed time, but she didn't expect it to take this long. She had waited for him to try and smooth things over or to at least try, but he'd done nothing. He was always so frustratingly stubborn.

What he meant to her as a friend and colleague had always been enough to drag her back when he let her slip away. She always had a soft spot for him whether she liked it or not. But coming to the conclusion that she loved him, for the good man she knew him to be it wasn't enough to have her wait another decade.

She decided that perhaps moving on was the answer. She loved him, but what was a life if lived knowing you love someone and there was a big chance they didn't feel the same way, especially at this time in her life.

She knew not telling him wasn't fair, but he'd never fought fair either. Revealing what she felt for him might completely obliterate everything that they ever were. They still had something to lose. If they hadn't they wouldn't have fought the way they had in the passing months. She still wanted answers, but maybe for the sake of her heart she had to let it go.

The moment she closed her eyes she had made a decision. She would move on. She couldn't cling to the hope that he might feel the same way anymore.

xxxxxxx

 ** _Thursday._**

Harvey was walking to Mike's office when he spotted Donna in hers. She was wearing a black dress with long sleeves. It was floor lenght and he'd just caught a glimpse of a thigh high slit on the right side.

He knew they couldn't get personal until she gave them the all clear, but he thought maybe this would start pushing her to finally let them past this plastic relationship they'd had for almost a month.

"Wow." He stood just outside her door.

She looked up after she had collected her phone and bag.

"Dont start." She asked him quietly.

"I'm not I just meant that you look.." He trailed off and put a hand in his pocket.

"Thank you." She smiled but it didn't reach her eyes.

She had called her guy up, the one that knew a guy who knew her size. And he'd brought this beautiful dress to the office and she made quick work of changing into it. The night ahead was going to be as exciting as it was going to be hard.

"I'm pretty sure that's not the dress you wore earlier." He tried to make light of the situation.

They had seen each other during the day. So he knew that this wasn't what she was wearing then.

She smiled again, but it was tight lipped. Like she really didn't want to interact with him.

"It's not." She said looking at his slightly tired demeanor.

"You called your guy didn't you ?" Here he was after so long acting like things were back to normal.

"Harvey I have to go. My date is waiting." She had walked up to him before he stepped aside.

She just looked at him and he looked down. When he brought his head up she was gone.

 _A date_? For some reason when she said that he felt something resembling a punch hit him square in the chest. She was going on a date. He could have brushed it off if she hadn't been dressed like that. She clearly wasn't going out for a girl's night.

He clenched his jaw just thinking about it. They hadn't talked in nearly a month and she said they needed time and here she was running off to meet a guy. An unexpected pang of jealousy heated his blood, the last time he felt like this was when she told him she was sleeping with Stephen. He had absolutely no right to feel this way. She was a grown ass woman she could do what she wanted.

Although it was weird how the thought of her on a date effected him. He still didn't know what to feel considering he had no answers, but what he did feel was anger.

Why did he care this much. Why did it bother him. She was driving him insane. He wanted to talk and she was running off on a date.

He rolled his eyes. Who the hell did he think he was. She had her own life, she was perfectly capable of making decisions by herself. But the date thing urked him. He suddenly found himself wondering who this guy was. Where were they going and what would they be doing.

His blood started boiling at the possibilities. The thought of that guy and Donna...it was enough to have him wanting to run down and stop her. To tell her it would be a mistake. He sighed.

What had this woman done to him.

xxxxxxx

 **I really, really struggled with this chapter for so many reasons. It's the chapter I'm the most unsure about. But PLEASE tell me what you think. Leave me a review if you liked or even disliked it. But I do hope you enjoy this !**

 **I also just want to THANK you all for the support during tthis fic it's been amazing !!!**

 **Also my beta reader DonnaRSpecter Who's just incredible. The encouragement and the patience throughout all this is just so sweet and the help is so greatly appreciated. Thank you again and again.**


	6. Chapter 6

**_Chapter 6._**

 ** _It's a good reason to go._**

Donna walked out of the building and into the cool air of the night. She hadn't expected to bump into Harvey.

She wanted to avoid him at all cost. Knowing that he'd probably make a comment despite the events of the last month. She knew that given time he'd be the one to crack and bring up something not work related. It had taken too long and she had made the choice to move on.

She took a breath, readying herself for the night that lay before her.

She had met her date, David a week or so ago when she was at a coffee place near her apartment. She'd resisted his charming advances at first. But he had persisted in a very sweet way. And after deciding what to do about the Harvey situation she agreed to go on one date with him.

He was attractive, only a year or two older. Slightly taller than her. Blue eyes and his dark hair had just little streaks of grey, but in that really sexy kind of way. He had a sporty build and his profession, well he was the CEO of some corporation.

She had to give it to herself, she definitely had a type. Tall, handsome, successful men, not necessarily successful as in they owned their own firms or owned the majority of the buildings in an entire block. Just that they were normally the best at what they did.

He was a respectable guy, funny, goofy even sometimes despite his appearance and he was smart. He was sweet and knew what he wanted from life.

"Hey." He greeted her, a sweet smile plastered on his face.

"Hi." She replied just as sweetly.

She owed herself this. To know if despite what she felt for Harvey, she could move on. She wasn't entitled to anything, she never felt that the world owed her a thing. But in some way she felt that she

deserved this. To go out there and not feel like she was in someway betraying him. It was time to put him aside and focus on what she wanted. It wasn't necessarily what she wanted exactly, but it's what she needed.

"You look beautiful." He took her hand as she stepped down the pavement and into the car.

She smiled to herself. Only a moment went by before the door on the other side opened and he got in.

He started talking about the event they were attending. His company had a huge fundraiser. It was something to do with being able to fund some major research project in Africa. She was interested in what he had to say.

But looking at him all she could see in those coastal blue eyes were the intense dark ones of the man she'd left merely minutes before. He had looked tired. His usual confidence, the kind he used to command a room wavered ever so slightly.

She could tell he was unsure of himself and the quicksand they had found themselves in. Each time they tried to escape, tried to get out it just sucked them back in. Putting them at risk.

His face had immediately dropped at the mention of her on a date. He looked hurt, but she walked out before anything more could be said.

She ripped herself out of her head and concentrated on the perfectly good man in front of her. If she dug too deep into Harvey's facial cues she'd override her brain. She knew him and even back before this he was a jealous man. Coming back around to him being ever so slightly possessive of her.

Whether that meant something, she didn't want to think about it or him for just one night.

They had gotten to the event and David helped her out by offering his hand after he opened the door.

Donna smiled at him and he returned it, the broading of his lips reaching those very blue eyes. He offered his left arm and she hooked her own into it before he started walking.

xxxxxxx

David had introduced her to all of his colleagues, potential investores, donors and all of them had given her compliments on how beautiful she was. And how witty and competent. A perfect addition to the night. A partner very well suited for the man they had come to know.

She smiled and kept up her reverie. She enjoyed mingling with people and getting to know David and his work. The fact that he had nothing to do with the law was a breath of fresh air. She had dated men that shared the same characteristic as that particular one, but after Harvey, she just appreciated it more.

David had momentarily excused himself from her company. He had a speech to deliver and left her in the capable company of some of his colleagues.

They all quieted down when he came on stage. In a way he had that same demanding presence Harvey had. He just wasn't all that cocky about it.

Yet again her mind drifted back to him. Seemingly comparing two very different men. Perhaps she was trying to find similarities to make the transition easier.

So whoever she met if she met someone they wouldn't be completely alien. She was normally very good at reading people, but her luck in romantic relationships suggested that maybe sometimes her radar was off kilter.

She bit her lip. Even now while trying to enjoy a night with this seemingly great guy she had the habit of thinking about him. She took a big gulp of the glass of wine that she had in her hand. This was going to be so much harder than she thought.

xxxxxxx

Harvey had come knocking on Mike and Rachel's door. He had just ended up here. Possibly just needing a friend.

He wasn't the type to go running to other people with his shit and especially his feelings, but somehow the night had lead him here.

He also realized that he had this horrible habit of showing up unannounced at the homes of people who were close to him.

Mike swung the door open.

"Jeez Harvey it's late. If it was something with the case you could have just called." Mike replied yawning.

"It's not." Harvey said.

Mike took in Harvey's appearance then. His tie was loose, hair out of place, bags under his eyes, his demanding posture drooped.

"You look like hell." Mike continued to scrutinize him.

"Yes I know. Are you going to let me in or not ?" Harvey asked exasperated.

Mike stepped aside then. Gesturing for Harvey to walk inside.

Harvey went and slumped onto their couch. Knowing he was probably being an inconvenience. Rachel came in and caught Mike's eye before swiftly turning on her heel.

"Are you okay ?" Mike asked looking over his friend.

Harvey had sometimes just shown up at their front door, but when he had, the reason for it had been valid and almost always important. So Mike knew for certain that this wasn't just Harvey checking in on the married couple.

Harvey had stayed quiet for a while. Before looking at Mike.

"No, she went on a date." He finally admitted. He ran a hand down his face.

"Donna ?"

"Yeah." Harvey sat hunched over a little.

"Does it bother you ?" Mike inquired.

He said he wouldn't intervene again. They were adults they could figure it out. But seemingly they need the help of himself and Rachel to remove their heads from their asses. He was going to push Harvey to the brink. Never mind the yelling it was important that they get to some or other revelation tonight. Donna had gone on a date and he could sense the annoyance and bitterness in his friend's tone.

"No, yes, maybe." Harvey admitted throwing his hands up.

"Maybe ?" Mike added a bit of sarcasm in his voice.

"I don't know. She said we should take time and now she's out with another guy." He looked at Mike.

"What does that have to do with you two needing time ?" Mike started to push.

Harvey was stubborn to say the least, but he knew how to push some buttons sometimes.

"Everything. She said she needed time after everything that happened and maybe I did too. I just didn't expect her to..." His voice got quiet.

"To what ? Live her life ?" Mike pushed harder.

"It's not about that !" Harvey became defensive. Letting Mike know he was on the right track.

"Then what is it Harvey ?" He raised his voice to match Harvey's.

"I just... she doesn't want to talk to me and yet she can go on a date with this guy." He was starting to confuse himself.

Back at the office and on the way here he had convinced himself that one had to do with the other. He suspected that it had.

"It doesn't make sense." Mike answered.

"What doesn't Mike ? We've been fighting and avoiding each other and for the past month we haven't talked anywhere outside of work. She needed time and yet she has the time to go on a date !" He was starting to let it go. His controlled resolve slipping.

"Are you jealous ?" Mike questioned. Almost regretting it.

"What the fuck did you just say to me ?" And there went the resolve. Out the window along with his patience.

"Well you seem pretty pissed that she's going out tonight. With a guy and that guy isn't you." Mike stated holding his ground.

"I don't know what the hell you mean by that." Harvey shot back.

"Okay look Harvey. I didn't think I needed to spell this out for you. But you and Donna clearly have something going on and I'm not talking about the usual tension or issues." Mike himself was starting to get annoyed with his hard ass friend.

He and Rachel could see what the problem was and what the solution could be so easily and yet their older and supposed to be wiser friends couldn't open their damn eyes.

"I mean that you can't stand the thought of her going out with someone unless it's you !" Mike's voice elevating.

"I don't need this Mike !" Harvey started getting up but was stopped by Rachel before he even reached the door.

A determination in her eyes as she looked at him to go back and take a seat.

He normally wasn't intimidated, but she had the same look Donna had when she was going to call him out on his shit whether he liked it or not.

She had to take control of this situation despite promising to stay out of this particular fight. But Harvey ripping Mike's throat open because he was a hard ass wasn't the solution. She took a seat between Harvey and Mike.

"Okay look. I think what Mike is trying to say is that maybe you're jealous. Maybe you don't like her being with other guys." Her voice calm and quiet.

"I just want her to be happy." He gave up.

"And as sweet as that is, it's not healthy Harvey. You and Donna need to talk about this and I mean talk.You can yell and scream till you're both blue in the face, but it's not gonna help. You could go on like nothing happened, but what kind of relationship is that. It's not fair to her..." Rachel waited until he looked at her.

"...or you." Her voice was slightly reassuring.

"She doesn't want to talk to me ! And even if we get to that sometime I don't even know where to start or what to say." He looked at her.

He never thought his associate and best friend's wife would be the one he opened up to. It was a strange feeling knowing they weren't close, but he didn't have the energy to keep those walls up not after so long.

But this was Donna, she was an entirely different story and both of the people sitting in front of him knew her. And him for that matter. They were outsiders looking in. Spectators to whatever battles unfolded. So they had a different view of the situation than the people living it.

"We can't help you with that. That is something that the both of you need to figure out." She said looking at him with soft brown eyes.

He was very appreciative of this young friend of his. And he respected her so much for what she'd been through so he didn't go into jackass mode. He sat there and listened and it made sense.

Although talking is what had gotten them into this mess. Or deeper into it. The start of this and where it would end seemed like universes apart. In the middle of it a lot had happened and they had a lot to talk about.

He needed to know where they stood. Maybe he was jealous, maybe he wanted just the physical part or maybe somewhere deep down he knew exactly what he wanted but didn't have the balls to admit it.

These things would become clear if they could just talk. And not just skim over things until one took offence and fired off another bullet or canon. It had to be all in or nothing this time. He knew he couldn't, didn't want to lose her, but he also knew he couldn't hold on forever.

He nodded at the pair sitting in front of him. He got up and smiled at Rachel. Silently thanking her for the advice.

He got up and Mike walked him over to the door.

"I'm sorry about all this." Harvey said.

"It's okay Harvey." Mike patted his shoulder.

xxxxxxx

David had been the perfect gentleman all night long. He had this effortless charm about him. In the way he'd delivered his speech, how he spoke to the potential investors and the people he worked with.

And to her. He had even made her laugh a few times. As sad as it seemed being carefree and almost happy even was something of a distant memory.

The last few months had been a blood bath. Leaving her raw, but like always she put on her mask and persisted. Never letting anyone see the turmoil inside.

David just made it easier somehow. Maybe because for the first time in a while having a conversation with a man hadn't led to fighting and yelling.

For the first time in more than a month he was the farthest thing from her mind. As she let herself enjoy the date an he had slipped away further. Never completely gone, but not as prominent as he had been.

She was brought back to earth when her door opened and a hand was stuck out.

Donna reacted and lifted her hand to meet his. Letting it softly rest in David's as he lead her to the steps of her building.

He stopped right before going in.

"I had a really good time." He said quietly.

"I did too." She meant it and a shy smile tugged at her lips.

He stepped forward and suddenly he was very close. His blue eyes piercing through hers. He took another step to gauge her reaction and when she didn't move he lifted his hand to her cheek.

His hand was slightly rough against her skin and she could feel his breath now. He smelled so crisp and she knew by the look in his eyes what he intended to do.

She braced herself. She closed her eyes and felt the air grow warmer as his body was almost touching hers the heat radiating from him.

His cool lips gently touched hers. Barely a kiss in any sense. A moment went by before he pressed his lips firmly against hers. He was still hesitant, waiting for her response. She didn't push him away and let herself go for a moment. Kissing him back.

He pulled away.

"Goodnight Donna." He ran his thumb over her cheek.

"Goodnight David." She forced a smile and when he was in his car she turned and walked quickly to the elevator.

When the doors opened with a ding she went in and held her composure until she was in the safety of her home.

She went to her bedroom and flopped down on the bed.

David was so sweet. Even in the way that he had kissed her. It was a good kiss. It was gentle and a far cry from what he had done.

And now her brain was comparing the two kisses by the amount of endorphins each kiss had released. And how many heartbeats were skipped in those few moments.

The outcome. Harvey's rough and raw unexpected kiss had won hands down. He had taken and taken until almost all the oxygen in her lungs had dissipated. He had bit and tugged and pulled until her head spun.

She could easily forget the way his hand had control over her lower spine. Pushing her right into him. The way he smelled and how hard his body had been against hers. But his mouth and the way it felt was something that was burned into brain and dreams.

David had nothing on Harvey. Not even close. She closed her eyes for a brief second.

She had tried to move on. Although maybe she hadn't tried hard enough. She couldn't live her life comparing every possibly suitor to the one man she couldn't have.

She was in a tail spin with no route out. Going around and around. Him at the middle of it all.

They were both running. In complete opposite directions or so it seemed until they just ran head on into each other. One would think that you'd learn your lesson but nope they just kept banging their heads against the same damn wall.

xxxxxxx

The door closed behind Harvey. He had undressed and gotten into the shower.

The steaming water creating an image that messed with his head.

Flame licked hair and intense hazel-green eyes. Taunting him. Teasing him.

He got out after just a few minutes. He couldn't get away from her.

He dried himself off before putting on black sweatpants and a grey t-shirt before getting into bed.

He couldn't get comfortable. Hitting, turning and eventually just throwing a pillow off his bed.

He groaned into one. He had been sleepless more than usual. All thanks to one woman.

He forced his brain to switch off. He had to get away from her somehow.

xxxxxxx

Donna was dressed in white. Her hair pulled up. Only a few tendrils framing her face.

She was turned away and was facing a long floor length mirror. A soft smile gracing her face. Her eyes shot up and the smile grew wider.

She turned around and started walking towards him. He raised his hand. And she did the same. But she didn't place it in his. Instead she had walked right past him. He twisted his body and saw a man taking her outreached one. She clearly hadn't even noticed his presence.

Suddenly the scene changed and he was the only one standing at the foot of what seemed like an altar. Flowers raking through openings in the wood that formed it.

And she appeared standing opposite a man dressed in a black and white tux.

"I do." He heard her voice and it hit him like a grenade. Exploding.

He stepped up and wanted to get her attention. So he said her name and then he said it again.

She wasn't hearing him so he raised his voice. And still no reaction.

He realised then that he was just someone looking in. He wasn't part of the story at least not in a way that he could stop her.

He panicked then as he watched her walk away hand in hand with someone he didn't know. He tried to move and his feet seemed to be cemented to the ground. Leaving him incapable of moving. And before he knew it she was gone.

He shot up, his chest wildly moving up and down.

He realized that it was just another dream. Where she left him. But this time he honestly couldn't stop her. He had lost her completely. Although it was just a dream he could feel the anger starting to burn it's way through his body.

Why the hell couldn't he get that out of his head. Her leaving. Her walking away. Him being unable to go after her time and time again. It was always there in the back of his mind. He had even chosen her over Paula.

It hit him like a wrecking ball. He chose Donna, his friend, colleague over his girlfriend someone who he might have seen a real future with. And all it took was a letter to say she was resigning. He had run like a bat out of hell to end it with Paula. To find Donna and get her to come back.

The comments from Mike, Scottie, Rachel and even Donna herself flood back to him. And in that moment he knew what he wanted and he wouldn't go down without a fair fight this time.

xxxxxxx

 ** _Friday._**

Donna had been in the executives kitchen for a while. Just staring at the shelf of cups infront of her. Her mind backtracking to last night. Harvey and then David and then right back to Harvey. Head meet wall she thought.

It always just had to come down to this emotionally stunned man that had his head so far up his ass that he couldn't see what was right infront of him.

She'd meet these great guys who were the marrying type. They weren't just flings, but they always stood second on the podium right next to Harvey. That's how it worked for 12 years and apparently even now.

"You're making coffee ?"

She turned to see Mike.

"Not for you." She smiled at him then.

"So uhmmmm how did the date go ?" He asked nervously as he shoved both hands in his pockets.

"Rachel told you ?" She had texted Rachel after the date telling her that it went well as far as first dates go.

"Harvey actually." He added avoiding making eye contact.

"He showed up last night and he was pretty upset about it." He interjected before she could ask.

"Why would he be upset ?" She had a good incling as to why.

"Because you have time to go out on a date, but you won't talk to him." Mike shrugged then, knowing that the truth would be the best course of action in the scenario.

She shook her head. He of all people was complaining about her lack of communication when all he'd ever done was dodge getting personal like it was the plague.

She scoffed.

"You know Donna he actually does want to talk." Mike said.

"Yeah." She looked away.

"Why won't you ?" He asked knowing he should probably walk on egg shells, but if he'd done that the first time she wouldn't have kissed him

"Because I'm not ready Mike. I barely know what to say to him." She threw her hands up.

"See that's funny, because he doesn't know what to say either." He looks at her then.

He had to push from both sides, both of them too stubborn to get to the some sort other peace treaty without a little help.

"So then why ?" She crossed her arms over her chest.

"Because Donna you haven't been talking at all." Mike reasoned.

"What would it matter ? Talking only made this worse than it already was." She still had her arms crossed. A defensive stance.

"Because he's clearly upset and doesn't know how to handle it." Mike said.

"And what about me Mike don't you think that I'm angry too ? I have no idea how to deal with this anymore than he does."

He sighed.

"Just think about it." He said, his voice filled with sympathy.

She nodded and he left her alone with her thoughts. She hadn't expected him to be this upset about a date. But then yet again this was Harvey. The same guy who let the thing with Stephen get in the way of how they were accustomed to working, blaming her for it.

xxxxxxx

Harvey was tapping his pen against his desk. The click click of it on the wood seemingly the only sound in his office.

He was thinking about the dream he had last night. Her in a wedding dress walking away with a guy he had probably just conjured up. He hadn't slept much after that. The dream replaying in slow mow every time he closed his eyes.

The feeling of losing her again resonating somewhere deep in his chest. It never seemed easier whenever she did. It was rare but it happened.

He also realized that the thought of her with someone else made him touchy. He was as Mike had put it jealous.

And then something Paula had said months ago finally made sense. He had always been the center of her attention and affection and he didn't want it to stop. But it had. Abruptly to say the least.

He rolled his eyes. It seemed like everyone always had an opinion about them. And they clearly couldn't keep it to themselves. It was hard enough as it is without the additional commentators.

He had come to a conclusion last night. He had one question to ask her.

xxxxxxx

Donna was turned to the window. The back of her chair facing the glass door.

She heard it close and swiveled her chair only to come face to face with Harvey.

He looked at her for a moment.

"Donna can I ask you a question ?" He asked.

"Harvey I..." She started.

"Why did you lie about the kiss ?" He finished.

She let out a breath before standing up. She walked as far away as possible from him in her office.

They stayed quiet. Not budging. She seemed reluctant to answer.

She had her back turned to him like the night he kissed her and came begging for her to open the door.

She chewed the inside of her lower lip. Knowing he wouldn't leave until he got his answer.

She swallowed the lump in her throat.

"Because it was easier." She broke.

"Easier ?" Question in his voice.

"Yes Harvey, it was easier to just lie instead of telling you what I actually felt." She had turned to him again.

A gaping chasm still stretched between them.

He looked at her then. The question had weighed on him. Equal to weight of the world he always seemed to carry.

He had scraped every last ounce of courage and determination left to ask her.

He nodded as he studied her. She hadn't taken her eyes off his.

"What did you feel ?" His heart pounding against his ribcage daring to crack it open.

She then broke the eye contact. She could tell him what she felt, she had only realized it after the second kiss. The first had made her question things but even back then she knew a part of her was lying.

"Does it matter ?" Her voice laden with the promise of another disappointing and disastrous fight.

"Yes." He said his brows furrowed.

"Why ? We both know where this leads. We've been down that road quite a lot lately." She answered back.

"What did you feel ?" He had ignored her question and statement only concentrated on the one he had.

"It's not going to change anything. What difference would it make ?" She was fighting a losing battle. Against her heart and his stubborn manner.

"What did you feel ?" He repeated, his tone slightly more stern.

"It felt right ! Like I had one last thing before losing the only man I ever..." She stopped before the last few words slipped out.

"The only man you ever what Donna ?" He was trying to push. He knew what she had almost said.

"It honestly doesn't matter Harvey." Her voice was shakey.

"Please just let it go." Her eyes becoming blury. Filled with tears of years of denial.

She started walking past him. She always blamed him from running and yet she had fled as much as he had from her.

He lightly grabbed her wrist and stopped her. They both stood there for what felt like a lifetime.

"I can't just let it go Donna." His voice barely a whisper.

"You always have so what's different this time." She wiped a tear away as it slid down her cheek.

He almost let go, but decided against it. Instead he put his other hand on her wrist letting the previous one fall before he gently pulled her to face him. His hand gently, but firmly wrapped around her wrist.

"Because I know what I'll lose if I do." He said trying to catch her eye.

"I can't Donna." He added after she hadn't answered.

"Then give me a good reason to stay." She said feeling her heart shatter again at the hands of this man in front of her.

She wouldn't walk away from her job. But she'd walk away from them. She'd walk away from 13 years and not look back again.

"For me." He said looking into those eyes he'd come to know over what had felt like an entire lifetime.

Dark clashing with light. Struggling to find something steady to keep the scales from tipping in the wrong direction.

She smiled, a tragic smile that had her tears drip into the space between them. A stupid hope inside her that somehow they could water the dead ground after the battle and start to grow something better, something more.

"I've only ever stayed for you Harvey." She couldn't win this, not this time. Her armory robbed of any weapons she had left to protect herself.

"I know." His own voice softening even more.

"Then why ask me to do it again ?" Her bottom lip quivering.

"Because living without you is the one thing I can't do."

He had waved his white flag. He had just surrendered.

"You seemed just fine when you were with Paula." She noted bitterly.

Referring to him not having drinks with her after work or even telling her they were dating and everything after for that matter.

He hadn't expected that and it forced him to let go of her.

"That's not fair." He claimed.

"What you mean like you being upset about me going out with this guy ?" She countered.

"Mike told you." It was a statement not a question.

She nodded.

"Then yes I was ! We haven't talked ever since that night and yet you can go out with this guy !"

Here we go again. She thought. They weren't done yet.

"What does one have to do with the other Harvey ?"

"Everything !"

"No it doesn't. It has nothing to do with you whether I go out with someone or not. And you don't get to be angry. I told you we needed time." Donna said frustratingly.

"That was over a month ago Donna ! How much more time do we need ?" He asked.

"I don't know ! But you seem to be forgetting what happened before I said that." She said her anger at him and this situation returning.

"I remember what happened and I told you I was sorry !"

"And I told you that we couldn't just fix this with an apology." She gestured between them.

"You did after you kissed me." His tone slightly accusing.

"That was different." She said.

"How ?" He asked

"It just was."

The silence stretched.

"Harvey why did you kiss me ?" She dared and looked at him again.

He was struggling to find an answer. He didn't really know. He had followed his body, but maybe his brain had some role to play.

She was just looking at him. He couldn't answer her. He never was able to. Here they stood again. Things unresolved and unanswered. She couldn't do it anymore, he had just asked her to stay for him and told her he couldn't live without her. She didn't know if he actually meant it or if it was just a way to get them to talk. Him not knowing how to answer was a good reason to go. They couldn't tiptoe or go around this. They weren't the same as before.

She was starting to back off wanting to run. Not from her job, but from him.

He saw her retreating.

"Donna please."

"What Harvey ? You asked me to stay and yet here we are again and you can't answer me. Typical." She threw at him.

"I'm jealous Donna." He admitted.

She stood there, not saying anything. Waiting on bated breath for him to give her a reason why she shouldn't give up on him.

"I hated the idea of you and whoever that guy was. I'm still not entirely sure what I feel, but I know that he wasn't good enough for you." He stood there trying to get her to look at him.

"Harvey you don't even know who he is ! And I'm perfectly capable of deciding who's good enough for me or not." She kicked herself knowing that if she truly was capable then she would've left a long time ago.

"I don't have to know. Because no one will ever be good enough for you."

She looked at him then. Her eyes intense. Filled with all of those unsaid and undone things that kept them apart. And shock at this response. It wasn't like Harvey at all to say things like this. And yet she knew he meant it by the way he kept eye contact.

"Harvey you can't do that." She shook her head.

"Why not ?" His tone had dropped to _that_ soft one he usually used with her.

"Because, like always you may mean it now, but tomorrow when I bring it up you'll skate over it like you always do !"

"I won't. Not this time." He cocked his head.

"What's different this time ?" She said. A plead behind the question.

"I know what I want this time round."

"And what is that Harvey ?" She was done fighting and pleading and looking for a reason to stay.

"A chance." He said.

"For what ?" She asked.

"To see if this could be more." He said and felt a boulder like weight had been taken off his chest.

She was shocked. He had shook her to her core. She now had more questions than ever. She didn't know how to react or what to say. There was still so much history between them and this could obliterate them if it went wrong. That is if she was willing to put them on the line again for the sake of her heart.

"Harvey..." She started.

He looked at her. He had realized last night that he had to come to this conclusion. They had been toeing this tightrope for months. He didn't want to lose her. He couldn't. Especially not to another guy. He wasn't completely sure about his feelings. But he knew he wanted to at least try. If he didn't he might always wonder and regret it. It had taken him 13 years to figure out that maybe he made a mistake by never crossing the line.

"I know trust me I do." He rubbed the back of his neck.

This was tricky. He had to be so careful. He had hurt her and them all this time and now he had the balls to finally try and make the pain worth it.

This could go either way and it scared him shitless to know that if she walked away this time she would never come back.

"What do you mean by a chance ?" She asked finally. Unsure but wanting to know what he meant.

"I don't know. Go on date maybe ?" He was very clearly nervous and unsure himself.

"A date ?" She rolled the thought around in her head.

Trying to wrap it around the idea and what had just happened. He'd never been like this before. He was a complete hardass always looking for a way to avoid his feelings especially towards her and now here he was asking her on a date. After months of war this was his suggestion. She had never imagined that this is where it would end.

"Yeah. You know dinner." He was trying to joke to make it easier, but this was millions of miles away from being easy.

"What if you realize that you don't want this Harvey ? We can't go back if we do this." She said sadly.

"Just have faith in me Donna." He asked her lightly.

He asked her to do the one thing he knew she always would have in him.

"Yes." She answered before she could convince herself that this was a bad idea.

"Are you doing anything tonight ?" He asked her then.

She immediately realized why he was asking.

"No I'm not." She answered honestly.

"Well then would you like to have dinner with me ?"

They had done a complete 180. In a matter of minutes.

She nodded slowly and she saw the hints of a smile for the first time in weeks.

He waited for her to collect her things. Like most nights they were the only people left.

He stood aside to let her walk in front. Strangely always a gentleman, for the most part if she remembered correctly. Her breath hitched as his hand touched against her lower back. Guiding her out the door.

xxxxxxxx

 **I want to start off by thanking the readers and reviewers ! You make my day and I appreciate it far beyond words.**

 **Also this was another difficult chapter and it's really long. I hope you enjoy it and PLEASE review if you can. I love seeing what you think and it drives me to write more.**

 **Also my beta is just amazing to say the least her help and support has made this possible ! Thank you !**

 **Also just wanna mention Bewg and Ashadesofblue for the support also. It means a great deal coming form such great writers.**


	7. Chapter 7

**_Chapter 7._**

 ** _"Danger."_**

 ** _Friday._**

They had walked directly out of the building and got into his black Lexus.

Ray greeted Donna cheerfully but still professionally.

The rest of the car ride had been excruciatingly silent. Not a single word had been said since he dropped a bomb on her.

The city lights passing over them in quick flicks. As they drove past buildings the only sound a quiet _shush_ each time a car drove by.

She snuck a look at Harvey. His shoulders back. Chest out. Jaw clenched. Hands unmoving as one was propped beneath his chin and the other on his lap.

He had this annoying way of looking beautiful even in worst of situations. The sharp cut glass jaw. The sallow skin. Long thick lashes. Even his hands were attractive. And the way he wore a suit, no wonder he'd bedded nearly every women in New York.

He was looking out the window as she had been. And all of sudden his head turns towards her and she quickly turns her own. Useless as she knows he'd caught her staring. She chastised herself for letting her thoughts go there.

It was so different after all these years. Sure sometimes she snuck a look at him. But this was just different.They'd been friends and colleagues for over a decade, each staying on their side of the line. What they were had changed in an instant. Neither saw it coming. It was unexpected or truth be told not entirely.

Years of fighting, comfort, banter, drinks and late night calls or visits were bound to build up and erupt into something.

They weren't the same young and naive people they had once been. Thinking that they could sweep it under the rug was their first mistake. And all the following mistakes had spawned from every moment they had pushed aside.

He smiled to himself as he turned his head back. He had felt her eyes burning a hole through his skull.

They were on opposite sides of the car. Neither daring to look at the other long enough to make eye contact.

He had shifted his eyes slighty so he could look at her undetected. Unlike her very own unsubtle way.

Her skin gold tinged as the light from street lamps hit and bounced off it. Her hair fiery. Her hands clasped on her lap in that uncertain way. He might not be able to read her like she could him, but over the years he'd caught her doing this. Narrowing it down to her being nervous.

He very rarely admitted to himself how beautiful she was. Along with her rule he had made one of his own to himself. To try and not look at her _that_ way. Easier said than done.

He had pushed the attraction away and he was pretty good at it. It had kept him at bay for a long time. He had dated/slept with some of the most beautiful women and yet she was somehow always very close to the top of the list. Him downplaying her beauty to himself made it easier to not look at her _that_ _way._

xxxxxxx

The car came to a halt.

She looked past Harvey and saw what it was. Familiar ground.

The place they'd shared almost every big achievement at, including him getting her to work for him.

He slid out of the leather seat and walked around the back before opening her door.

She took his outreached hand. And he let it go the moment she had stepped out.

But walking into Dèl Posto he had yet again let his hand rest at the bottom of her spine. Low enough to cause a shiver and high enough to not get slapped or be indecent.

And then her mind ran back to that fitting. Her dress slightly gaping open. His light touches down her bare spine. And those melting, darkened eyes he'd set on her after bringing him back from wherever he had gone.

She bit the inside of her lip. Banishing the memory. It only brought back other things. A chill ran up and down her spine by merely thinking about it.

Harvey had been unsure of his intended action. Not knowing what to expect. But he'd done it nonetheless. Putting his hand on her lower back, he was hesitant yet again around her. He could scare her off if he moved too fast. Also after what he'd done a month or so ago, it felt forbidden to touch her like this. Like if he touched her more than this everything would unravel.

They were seated by their waiter. Given menus and the left only in the company of each other. Somehow even this seemed different. More personal. The lights seemed more dimmed. The small light highlighting his every jagged edge. But she knew this was just her head playing tricks.

The only reason for it doing that was because her mind wasn't, couldn't focus on anything else, but him. As hard as she tried.

He saw her eyeing him from beneath his lashes. It was slightly unsettling. His palms unnaturally moist. His tie feeling off and yet too tight. His mouth dry. He'd never been this nervous about a date. Let alone with someone he'd known for that long. Maybe that was exactly why he felt like a teenager. Dumbstruck as to how to handle this.

He ordered wine when the waiter had returned. Their shared favourite.

His gaze turned towards her then.

"How was your day ?" He cringed as he realized how idiotic it sounded.

After what happened at the office and them officially being on a date. That thing where you have dinner with someone and it's not platonic. That was the best he could come up with.

"Good, then weird." She admitted slowly.

This was unlike them. They usually fell into conversation easily and could talk for hours and yet they couldn't form a decent one at this very moment.

"Weird ?" He questions.

"This." She indicicated to their unusual predicament.

"This." He repeated nodding.

Of course it was weird. If it wasn't then something would have been wrong. Nobody could go from years of a seeming platonic friendship to fighting like hell over a kiss or two only to fight again and then find themselves going on a date without ever having resolved said fight. So weird was the only conclusion.

"We've had dinner before you know." He says then sensing her unease.

"Not like this." She almost chuckles to herself.

There was always a hidden lining behind those previous dinners. Like the hidden compartment in the lining of a suitcase that couldn't be found unless you knew where to look. But they hadn't taken that much consideration before right this second.

"You mean the date ?" He eyes her.

"Yes I mean the date." She answers sarcasm brushing her voice.

He smiles then.

"You're nervous ?" He quirks his brow his voice taken a similar tone as the time he'd said that she was into him.

"You're nervous." Not a question but a statement. A very true one at that.

Was this them flirting ? It had seemed the most alien thing after the past few months. They had fought not flirted and somehow in the backs of their minds they knew it came easily. Never before had they concentrated on it or given it any attention, but now it was like a spotlight blinding them.

"Well our talks haven't really ended well lately." He says honestly.

"No they have not." She agrees.

A sliver of confidence had wedged itself into that chasm making both of them a little more comfortable.

The waiter had come up and asked the food order. They both knew the menu by heart after so many dinners and knew what they wanted. A small irony in that.

"How was your day ?" She asked knowing that if they continued they'd end up having an argument in this very public place.

"Good, then weird." He said, reciting her words.

And then she smiled at him and he couldn't believe how he'd missed it. He'd been the cause of her crying and getting angry so many times especially recently, but that shy smile made his chest swell a little.

He was looking at her and she re-crossed her legs her heel accidently brushing against his leg and when he looked at her she blushed. It was an accident but he'd obviously noticed.

"Sorry." She said quietly.

"I don't mind." He had a smug look about him just then.

She was taken aback at his momentary boldness.

He then winked and smiled at her again. Damn that smile, she could get used to it. You'd think that after years and years you'd already be but that seemed far away lately and she had a chance to appreciate it all over again.

She kept noticing how his eyes darted to her. Frequently. He had honestly never been this way. Not since they first met.

The atmosphere was intimate and warm.The wine had mixed with their blood giving them both a relaxing tinge.

Their food arrived and as always it looked delicious. She took her first bite and a small quiet sigh escaped her lips and her eyes closed. She opened them and found Harvey almost rigid and staring directly at her. He had probably witnessed the whole thing.

And yet again he had her blushing. He didn't need to say anything or even touch her. That dark look was all it took.

He had heard her and his head shot up. The scene had made him hot under the collar.

"Did you know that Mike and Louis went mudding once ?" Harvey asked trying to distract himself from the moment.

Humour, a good way to get things flowing and take away from other things.

"I've gone mudding with Louis." She laughed then.

"You have ?" He asked curiously.

"It's actually not that bad if you count out the fact that he's naked under all that mud."

"I could've gone my whole life without that." He chuckled.

"So is it mandatory to go in naked ?" He wondered, a curious, mischievous gleam in his eyes.

She immediately caught onto the reason behind his question and suddenly all the blood drained from her face.

"No, but it just feels better that way." She decided that he wouldn't leave her flustered if she could help it.

And it did as she saw him shift in his seat and change the subject.

After that their conversation turned into something resembling old times.

Weeks, months even of battling weren't nearly resolved and they both knew that somewhere it would bubble to the surface, but for now this is what they were going to concentrate on.

They'd have to get to _that_ before they could really move forward or anywhere for that matter but tonight they'd set it aside.

xxxxxxx

They were walking up to her apartment. The door a beacon. A permanent reminder of what they've been what they've done and how different they'd become.

She turned to him before opening the door.

"Would you like to come in ?" She asked not entirely looking at him.

He opened his mouth then put his hands in his pockets.

Shy and nervous was even a little endearing on him.

She wasn't going to let her walls down just yet, but he had this little way of making her melt just a fraction.

The truth was she wasn't ready to let him leave yet, they were finally talking and not yelling and she had missed him.

He was nervous about this not sure if it was the best idea. But he couldn't seem to tear himself away from her.

It was strange how they'd fallen apart but got to this just as quickly.

He knew that they couldn't push away what had transpired between them in the last few months, but they could try and enjoy the serenity till they could get to that point.

"Yes." He answered then.

She seemed relieved and he took in a breath.

He sat down and she went to make coffee. She came back and handed him a mug.

He took his first sip and nearly groaned at how good it tasted. She just made it differently, it always tasted so much better.

Accepting the invitation was the best decision he'd made all night. The date was a close second.

They talked for hours. Sitting closer and closer each time she seemed to get up and sit back down. Not necessarily on purpose but maybe subconsciously.

She was so close. She could smell him.

He could see the green and brown twisted together in her eyes. He could touch her but decided against it.

After all hasty unexpected and raw physical contact had gotten them into this mess.

She had that look in her eyes. The same she had that night after he saved her. Blinking slowly.

His dark and intense eyes flicked between her eyes and then mouth.

The longer he stared the more she could feel the heat climbing up her spine.

Before either of them could even think about it he decided that it would be better to not cross that line tonight. Both aware that if one of them dared to just dip a toe, they'd dive in head first. Making a move would be the wrong choice considering it being a first date an all.

"It's late." He said looking at his phone.

It was well past midnight and he was struggling to find a way to tell her he had to go without it having sound like the last time they were in a similiar situation.

"Yeah." She agreed knowing that going _there_ wouldn't help them right now.

It could be easy to just let go and give in, but they were them and it wouldn't be that easy. If they just let it go they would potentially ruin this whole thing. They would've ended before they even started. They had 12 years worth of shit to get through. But doing it this way, trying to would shift them, unable to ever fit fully together. There would always be a middle piece missing or an edge piece that had no where to go.

They stood up and walked to the door. He turned around before he was completely out.

"Thank you Harvey, for tonight." She said then.

He stepped towards her and leaned in.

Thinking, anticipating a kiss had her cheeks grow hot. The memory of the last time their lips touched still fresh in her mind.

He was close, but right at the last second he passed her mouth. Gently placing a soft kiss to her blushed cheek.

She wanted to make a comment about him acting like a 13 year old on his very first date. But she decided not to tease him.

He was being awfully sweet and so unlike himself. Slow wasn't his pace neither was patience, but here he was not jumping the gun and it affected her more than any rough kiss could.

He pulled back.

"Goodnight." He whispered and then walked away.

He'd left her completely speechless. She closed the door and smiled. Leaning against it. Her heart fluttered when his lips touched her skin.

He'd been shy and nervous all night and it was unexpected in the best way possible.

xxxxxxx

He had walked out of the building and onto the sidewalk.

He wasn't sure how she would've reacted to him and the date suggestion or that kiss. It had gone better than he thought.

He had this stupid smile on his face when he climbed into the car.

He saw Ray give him a look. He shrugged it off and told him to drive.

xxxxxxx

 ** _Saturday._**

Donna was leaning against her kitchen counter phone in hand. Hovering over Rachel's number.

She pressed the screen then and put the phone to her ear.

"Hi." The voice said.

"Hi." Donna replied.

"Harvey and I went on a date." Donna blurted out before she could stop herself.

"What ?" Rachel sounded confused and surprised.

"Last night, he said he was jealous and then asked me out and I said yes." Donna bit her lip.

"He told _you_ that _he_ was jealous and then he asked you out ? Wow." Was all Rachel could muster up to say.

"I know." Donna then ran a hand through her hair.

"And ? How did it go ?" Rachel was starting to get excited.

"It went well, better then well actually." She admitted smiling to herself.

"Well you're calling me at nine in the morning so probably not that well." Rachel joked.

"Rachel !" Donna laughed.

And now Rachel's comment knocked her back to thirteen years ago and then a few months ago. The vivid memory of his touch, his taste, his teeth scraping against her flesh had a million butterflies erupt into a frenzy. She idly crossed one leg over the other as all the butterflies melted like butter as her blood was boiling. It started to pool low.

"I'm just kidding. I'm happy that you went on a date with him." She chimed from the other side of the line. Ripping Donna from her reverie.

"I am too." Donna said.

"And did you talk about ?" Rachel said referring to their recent falling out.

Actually it was more than just one.

"Yes we did, but not about that. Not yet." Donna said looking down at the floor.

"Well you're talking not fighting so that's a start."

"Yeah." Donna said still not entirely used to the idea that she and Harvey had a date.

"So when's the next date ?" Rachel asked suggestively.

"I have no idea." Donna said smiling again.

The idea of a next date making her heart beat faster.

"On Monday I want all the details." Rachel said then, and knowing her friend she meant _all_ the details.

Not that there was much to tell, if you take away the cheek kiss, the almost...and him flirting and her reciprocating it.

"Of course." Donna replied rolling her eyes playfully at how excited her friend sounded to hear about the date.

She wanted to tell her everything, someone had to know and who better than her best friend.

"I've got to go I have some work I need to do." Donna said.

The previous night had taken a huge chunk of her time diverting her from work.

"Of course. And call me when you go on your next date." Rachel said again that suggestive tone hovering in her voice.

"I will. Bye." She said and ended the call.

It was great to have a best friend like Rachel to talk to especially in this case.

As she put her phone down it dinged.

Speak of the devil and you step on his tail.

A text message.

 **Harvey:** _It was nice, we should do it more often. ;)_

She was chewing on her lip. He'd sent a winky face as well. He was being confident. Cheeky even.

Her fingers hovering over the key pad.

Her response.

 **Donna:** We'll see. ;)

xxxxxxx

Rachel walked back into the living room a look of disbelief all over her face.

"What ?" Mike asked as he looked at her.

"That was Donna, Harvey apparently told her that he was jealous and then asked her out." She said almost not believing it herself.

"He did what ?" Mike asked now sitting forward.

"And it went well." Rachel said.

He gave her a look.

"Not that well." She laughed at him.

"But they had a date ? That's progress." He said wanting to pat himself on the back.

They had given Harvey advice the night before and from the sound of it he took it to heart.

xxxxxxx

 ** _Monday._**

Monday came rolling around and for the first time in a while Donna didn't absolutely dread the thought of bumping into Harvey.

She walked out of the elevator a smile plastered on her face. Sure there were about a billion things they had to talk about and they'd get there. Eventually.

She was on her way to her office when suddenly Harvey appeared next to her.

"Good morning." He greeted also with a smile.

"Good morning." She repeated.

"How was your weekend ?" He asked trying to act all coy.

"It was alright, had another date." She said nonchalantly.

"And how did that go ?" He asked as they stepped into her office.

"Not bad. The guy wasn't a complete ass." She said.

"Good to know." He replied and walked out heading to his own office.

They were definitely flirting. Just innocent and fun. No hidden meaning behind it. Although to be honest, there was always a hidden meaning.

xxxxxxx

Mike eagerly walked into Harvey's office. He sat down and looked at Harvey. Waiting for him to notice.

"So I heard that you and Donna went on a what do they call it again ?" He clicked his fingers together. Emphasizing the absurd notion. "...a date ?" He chimed.

Harvey put his pen down and looked up at him.

"Yes and ?" Harvey said.

"You and Donna went on a date." He repeated.

"Okay Mike what you are getting at ?" Harvey folded his hands together.

This was what he was dreading. The follow up questions. He wanted to figure this out on his own. He'd taken their advice and it worked, but from that point on it had to be all him.

"I'm just saying." Mike said.

"It went well okay. There are you happy ?" He asked a little sarcastically.

He wasn't trying to be mean he was just a little touchy about it.

"Very." Mike replied a huge grin on his face as he walked out.

Harvey just sat back. Thinking about Friday again and that he was actually the one who was happy.

xxxxxxx

The day had gone by quickly. Both parties had been working. It was all shy smiles and even a wink from Harvey.

Mike and Rachel seemed to notice, but were wise enough to not bring it up. They knew that prodding this early could have Donna and Harvey turn back and head straight for those uncomfortable tense times when they had screaming matches.

xxxxxxx

Donna heard a knock on the door and this time secretly hoped that it was Harvey.

She opened it and instead of sexy intense brown eyes she was looking into piercing blue ones.

David.

"Hey." He said and kissed her quickly before walking through the door.

"Hey." She said.

David ? How could she not have thought of that. She was Donna. He'd completely slipped her mind. The only thing occupying it was tall, dark eyed and grey silk ties.

He sat down on her couch then.

"I'm sorry for just showing up but I wanted to surprise you." He said.

She bit the inside of her cheek. As nice and attractive and sweet as he was, he wasn't the one she wanted to see. He wasn't the one she really wanted. So she decided to rip the bandaid off.

"Listen David I...I don't think it's going to work." She said taking a seat next to him.

They only had one date, but he seemed to want more.

"Why not ? We had a great time the other night." He was frowning.

"We did and you're a great guy and everything..." She said.

"But I'm not the guy for you." He had said.

"No, I'm sorry." She said trying to make the blow softer.

Seconds, minute, hours it felt had passed before he spoke.

"Right well then I better go." He said standing up.

He looked deflated as he walked out, he was a gentlemen through and through even now and she respected him for it.

It was a relief. Not that she had even remembered him. Which sounded horrible, but she wasn't going to lie to herself.

She sat back then shaking her head. He really had nothing on Harvey. It was easy to let go of David although compared to Harvey they always were.

xxxxxxx

Harvey was sitting at his desk. Reading through some documents when his phone rang.

He picked it up and swiped.

"Hey mom." He answered as he swivled his chair towards the windows.

"Hey how are you doing ? I haven't heard from you in a while." She said.

"Yeah sorry things have been crazy at work I haven't really had the time." He said feeling a little guilty that it had taken this long for him to talk to his mother.

"I get it. Running a law firm and all." She said with pride.

"And how are things there ?" He asked.

"Good. The art kids have been doing so well. And the kids are too. They're just busy with soccer and school. And Marcus and Katie are also good." She said then.

After so long it still sometimes felt odd that he and his mother were on good terms. But he was grateful for it. He had a family outside his work family. Although they had become his real family over the years. But it was good, great even to know that he had his mother.

"That's great mom."

"So how are you and Paula ?" She asked.

He froze. He hadn't even gotten around to telling her that they were over. And that had happened a few months ago. Drilling the fact of not having time to talk to his own mother home. He felt slightly guilty. And he may have avoided the whole awkward situation of having to explain why he and the woman he'd introduced to his mother broke up.

"We...it's over. It has been for a while." He said slowly.

"I'm sorry to hear that. She seemed so nice. What happened ? Ohhh I hope I didn't have anything to do with it." She said afraid that her comment had been the cause.

"She was, but no mom of course not. It just wasn't working."

"But it does have something to do with that someone very special ?"

Uncanny how his mom hit the head right on the nail. Proving that she did know him.

"It's complicated." He admitted. He wasn't lying.

"It always is. What's her name ?" His mom asked seemingly out of the blue.

"Donna." He hesitated before answering.

"I like it." He could hear her smile.

 _I do too_ he thought.

"Well mom it's late and I still have some work to do." He said trying to lightly move on before being bombarded with questions.

"Of course. Don't be such a stranger okay." She jokingly warned.

"I won't " He said.

"Goodnight Harvey." And the phone call ended.

Leave it to his mom to know exactly why things hadn't worked out with him and Paula.

He stayed staring out the glass at the city. It had been one if the best days in months. No awkward or uncomfortable atmospheres whenever they were in the same place. Instead it was light and he seemed to have a pep in his step. Which wasn't like him, but then again she wasn't just anyone.

xxxxxxx

 ** _Friday._**

The week flew by. Work had taken over completely.

Cliënts, meetings, court and all the other little things in between. Meaning that Donna and Harvey hadn't really talked all week. Or when they did it was work related. But he'd surprised her with coffee one morning and she returned the favor the next day. They'd done this this the whole week. Coffee another constant between them.

She strolled into his office.

"Hey." She said taking a seat.

"Hi." He'd smiled the second he heard her voice.

"So are we...dating now ?" She asked shyly fiddling with her hands.

It had been on her mind all day and she decided that the best thing would be to ask.

"We've only had one date." He said.

"I know but just for future reference."

"Maybe." And he said.

He was definitely flirting.

"Well what would you say to shitty Thai food at my place ?" She asked nervously.

"I could go for some shitty Thai." He said.

"Good. So you done yet or ?" She said gesturing to his paperwork.

He nodded and started to gather the files. Neatly piling them off to the side before putting everything else away.

He was OCD. Everything always had a place. He liked oredered. Being in control of every situation. Very Harvey like.

She sat smiling at him. One of the things she really liked and sometimes hated all the same was his need for control.

"What ?" He looked up then and saw that she was staring.

"Nothing." She said getting up.

He was grabbing his jacket and followed her out of his office. He had gotten into the habit of putting his hand against her lower back.

And as innocent as the gesture seemed she had actually wished he wouldn't. All it did was make her think of things that she probably shouldn't be at this stage and idly wondered if he was feeling it too.

He had to though. Otherwise he wouldn't keep doing it.

Touching had always been something strange to them. Barely here and there for over a decade. And in just a few short months they had completely well almost completely crossed that border. Sometimes full on barreling over the line with a raw uncontrolled kiss then sometimes months later sneaking past it with a hand against a lower back.

And they had learned why they didn't touch very quickly.

xxxxxxx

Donna was reaching for some plates. They had stopped by the shitty Thai place before coming to her apartment and now they were in her kitchen.

She got them and put them down on the counter. Harvey was looking at her with a hand propped under his chin. He had something between a goofy smile and a smirk plastered all over his face.

He had been staring openly at her as she moved around. Stretching, beding over, walking. It all seemed graceful. But then that was part of her charm as much as him being cocky was part of his.

"What ?" She asked then her eyes narrowed.

"Nothing." He answered.

Realizing that they'd had a similar back and forth earlier.

"It doesn't look like nothing." She quirked a brow gesturing to his smile.

"So are we ever going to eat or ?" He asked then still smiling but diverting from her questioning gaze.

They had split the food. Her taking what she ordered he did the same. They were eating and as he was about a fork a piece she reached over and stole the very same piece of pork he was headed for.

"You know you always do that." He looked at her in a playfully annoyed way.

"And ?" She challenged him.

"And it's not fair." He sounded like an 8 year old who's favorite toy had been taken and was refused to get it back.

"You never play fair." She replied without fully thinking about her answer.

And there it was. A big red sign had appeared and it read danger.

"You don't either." He said then.

They had to somehow turn back before a gun went off and set another attack in place.

"You want some, take it." She said, another challenge.

So he reached over and took some of her food. He then put it in his mouth and chewed. He grimaced.

"Yeah this really is shitty." He said afterwards making her laugh.

The question. If it's shitty then why go back. Well it's the same with a tooth, it hurts but you keep pressing your tongue against it. A habit.

"So Mike cornered me about our.." He cleared his throat, the words seeming foreign."...date."

"Rachel did the same with me, actually I told her and then the interrogation started." She laughed.

"So do you tell Rachel everything ?" He inquired.

"Well yeah, she's my best friend. You don't tell Mike everything ?" She asked in turn then.

"No I don't. That's what Rachel is for. She tells him."

"Right." She agreed nodding.

"They're probably having a field day with this." He gestured between them.

"Probably." She said then with a smile.

"So we're dating..." She rolled it around in her mouth again.

"You consider this a date ?" He raised a brow.

"Well what else would it be ?" She asked.

"Yes." He said then a hint of a tease behind that voice.

"Good." She replied.

"Good." He repeated.

And it was true. They weren't fighting, they were flirting. Openly and admittedly flirting and dating. It was still strange. The accusations and yelling and crying was just beneath this fragile surface. And it would stay there until one or both of them had enough guts to crack it.

In a dream world they'd ignore and move on from it. But the wounds were too deep and the history was too long to do that.

For now, for a second, for one moment they would pretend that it didn't happen. He asked for a chance and she was going to give him the benefit of the doubt. He seemed to want to and mean it and hell knows she wanted a chance to see if they could possibly work.

She loved him she knew that. She'd spent nights crying. Her heart aching. And right when she was about to move on he had reeled her back in and she let him. His timing was always horrificly perfect.

Now they were both sitting in her apartment. Across from each other in the kitchen laughing and agreeing that they were indeed dating.

"So you going to help me with dishes then ?" She asked eyeing him.

"Is this how all your second dates go ? Dinner and dishes ?" He asked her.

"Not _all_ of them." She this time winking at him already on her way to the sink.

He stood up. Took off his vest, he'd taken off his jacket earlier. And he rolled up his sleeves and unbuttoned two buttons on his crisp white shirt. Unware that Donna was watching.

Lip caught between teeth as she took in the scene in front of her. She turned around quickly before he could catch her.

He walked up and stood beside her then. Noticing how short she was without her heels. She had quickly changed into black pants and a black shirt when they arrived.

He smiled secretly. She wasn't as indimidating as she was when she had them on. He didn't know what he liked more. Her all casual and playful or dressed in power. Both had their charms.

She had started washing the dishes and handed him a plate. Their fingers brushed briefly and they had looked at the other for a split second.

They had finished in no time. It was only two plates and some cutlery. They had left the wine glasses knowing they'd just keep on until he left.

She had walked back to the counter and had poured more wine while Harvey dried off his hands.

She was about to turn to hand him his and didn't see him walk up. Resulting in the glass being knocked and it spilled all over his white shirt.

"Shit !" She gasped and set the glass down before running to the sink to grab a kitchen cloth.

She came back and he was just smiling at her as she started dabbing and rubbing his shirt.

"You enjoying yourself there ?" He had a mischievous tint in his voice.

She looked up at him and glared.

"It's going to stain anyway." She said, her hands still on his body.

Giving up on cleaning the mess she made. Irony is they couldn't clean up the mess they made themselves without creating a bigger one.

"It's just a shirt." He reasoned.

"I know but still I'm sorry." She hadn't removed her hands yet.

She was looking straight into his eyes. Him being a bit taller made her feel vulnerable. His eyes had turned liquid and she swallowed. Her hands were firmly placed against him.

He couldn't stop staring at her mouth. The feel and taste of it had taunted him ever since he made that fatal mistake that had left them spinning in an endless spiral of rage. The fuel to their war.

He wanted to lean that fraction forward. His heart was beating so fast that for a second he thought she could feel it.

Her head was spinning, his scent had flooded her brain and the feel of his body under her hands had her breathing slow and speed up at the same time.

He cleared his throat and it made her take a step back.

"I'm sorry again." She said gesturing to his shirt.

The only thing she could say as her brain had momentarily shut down.

He shrugged it off.

"I am going home and getting out of this and I'll see you tomorrow." He said walking back to collect his vest and jacket.

"Tomorrow ?" She asked bewildered.

"Ray's picking you up at 3 for our third date." He said it like she knew exactly what he meant.

"Okay...what should I wear ?" She asked still unsure of what was going on.

"Anything." He said.

"But is it formal, casual ?" She asked waiting for him to clarify.

"Casual." He replied.

"Okay..." She followed him to the door.

"Thank you for dinner and the wine." He tried to wind her up by putting emphasis on the wine.

"I'm starting to feel less guilty about that." She said looking at his shirt now tainted red.

"Hmmmm." He hummed.

He was about to walk out when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He stopped and turned towards her.

She stepped close and rose on her toes. She put one hand on his chest. Her fingers seemed to have control over his heartbeat. She was closing in on him. He closed his eyes as he felt her breath on his face. He then felt those soft lips touch the corner of his mouth. He thought the vein in his forhead would burst from his heart thundering against it.

She pulled back and his eyes locked onto hers. He clenched his jaw. Trying to tamper down the heat that had spread when she had touched him earlier and now returned with a vengeance.

She was about to step back when his hand shot around her waist. Keeping her in place. Which was snug against him. Her soft body caged against his rock hard one.

He'd caught her by surprise. And his eyes bore into hers. He had dropped his vest and jacket between the little kiss and grabbing her.

"You're playing with fire Donna." He almost growled.

She saw the danger sign before she almost kissed him. She had ignored it and went through it head on.

Him looking at her in that dangerous way like the night he had kissed her was the result. The consequence of her action. She was playing with fire, but hell she couldn't stop herself. She wanted him to make him feel like she was feeling. Knowing full well that she could get burned.

His voice was rough and deep. She could almost feel it. It seeped into her veins and it pooled low in her abdomen.

She couldn't decide where to look. Those hungry almost carnal eyes. Or his lips.

He let his hand drift lower and grabbed her tighter against him. She was playing with fire but he had lit the fuse.

"Harvey." She breathed as she slid her other hand onto his arm.

Her pupils were dilated. The green and hazel barely visible anymore. Her mouth agape. He felt his blood rushing south. Things were moving too fast, but not fast enough.

He then did something he knew he shouldn't have. But then again who would he be if he didn't make bold moves despite the warnings.

He leaned in and gently tugged her lower lip between his teeth. It slipped out and she moaned. He looked back up at her.

Her eyes were closed, but shot open as she felt him staring. She tilted her head and bit her lip. Her teeth exactly where his had been a few seconds ago.

They were having a staring contest now. One trying to up the other, the challenge passing between them.

He dared another bold move and slide his hand from her lower back and onto her ass making her gasp as he tugged her lower half to his. Groins clashing.

She in turn starting drawing patterns on his chest where his shirt was opened. His eyes narrowed. The slightly wet material of his shirt long forgotten.

They weren't thinking anymore, at least not with their brains. And it felt good.

He let his free hand drift to her ribcage. His thumb swirling in place.

They were definitely crossing those borders. The one thing they were so afraid of was the only thing they wanted in this moment. Borders no longer matching up with the heat scorching through them.

Fear was definitely not on their minds now.

"Donna..." His voice low.

"I know." She breathed back.

"We shouldn't." In him saying this he still held her close.

"I know." She moved her hand from his opened collar and it landed on his heart.

She knew full well that they shouldn't go there just yet. It would further complicate things. Her mind was screaming _No_ but her heart was screaming _Yes._ As did her body, it was tingling all over. He was the only guy who could pin her down by just looking at her.

She watched those eyes. Blue was beautiful, but his brown liquid ones made her shiver. She could also tell that he was struggling. Trying to choose between walking away or staying.

She had put herself in this position, but tonight it was up to him. She wouldn't be responsible if they lost this time. She didn't want to get blamed again. It was his desicion. She couldn't force him to choose her tonight.

He couldn't look away. Her eyes were magnetic. Her hands on his chest made his skin erupt into goosebumps. And the way he had her pressed against him did nothing to help him make a call that could make or break them.

He almost ran. He almost let himself walk away. But leaving never helped. The longer they put it out the harder and more tense it got. The biggest visible elephant in the room was always present. Emotions tucked away deep and maybe this would help them get somewhere.

She wasn't pleading with him to stay. She'd let him go if he chose it. If he wanted to run then it was purely his decision.

He looked down at her mouth again. Tantalizing, taunting, pulling him forward.

He looked at her eyes next. If he thought her lips were tempting he couldn't have imagined what her eyes would do.

Her every soft curve caressed every hard corner of him and he was losing his mind.

He moved then.

His lips touched hers.

xxxxxxx

 **Thank you, thank you to all readers and reviewers who've supported me through this I'm grateful and I keep repeating it, but I am ! I really really hope I didn't disappoint and that you enjoyed it.**

 **PLEASE REVIEW if you can it keeps me going.**

 **I honestly struggled with the last few chapters but people have gotten me through it. They motivate and support and inspire me.**

 **My beta for one ! I cannot thank her enough. Thank you DonnaRSpecter for EVERYTHING !!! I've appreciated every minute you've spent on looking for errors and helping me !**

 **ashadesofblue who's constant support and reassurance means so much so thank you too ! Also for helping me create tension in this chapter as I honestly struggled.**

 **Finally got around to writing again**


	8. Chapter 8

**_Chapter_** ** _8._**

 ** _Kiss Me Sunshine_**

His lips touched hers. Firm and yet unsure. Like he didn't know if this was what she wanted. So he stayed frozen for half a second until he felt her come alive.

She teased his lips. Nipping and tugging on his lower one. He never missed a beat, matching it until she bit down on his lower one again. She knew it would make his head spin right round.

She the ran her tongue against the seam of his lips and he opened his mouth only to have her run her tongue deliciousy across his. She heard a rumble in his throat at the contact and entwined her tongue with his. He had a tinge of alcohol on his tongue and so had she, making for a tipsy feeling to come into affect. Both knew that it wasn't the wine that had made them addicted to the others taste.

He was dominating her mouth and she let him but not for long. In one particular moment she sucked his tongue into her mouth and it led to him spinning and pushing her up the hard wood of her door.

He was just looking at her and for the briefest of moments she saw that want being questioned. He was silently asking for permission. He hadn't done anything else after he pushed her against the door. He just stared, his head sligtly tilted.

So she in turn answered by starting to unbotton his shirt. A bold and unexpected move on her part.

He looked down at her hands. Her dark maroon nails looking bright against the sharp, crisp shirt.

She watched him watching her and a small smile creeped over her lips. When she opened the last one she ran her hands from his waistband up and over his shoulders. He let go of her and she kept going down his arms until the white material fell heavily with expectation.

He almost groaned at the way her hands ran over his torso. White skin and dark painted nails against his sallow skin was something to behold.

His head shifted to meet her eyes again and he knew that they couldn't go back. He wouldn't even if he could.

She was biting her lip and looking at him like she wanted to devour him. Her hands glued to his skin. Making him very aware of her.

He stepped forward until there wasn't an inch left between her and the door or himself and her.

Harvey leaned forward and she anticipated a kiss when he surprised her by starting at the edge of her jaw. Trailing them down her neck. He pinched a piece of skin between his teeth before he rolled his tongue over the same spot. The action making her head tilt to the side.

Her hands fell down between them, going in search of his pants. She grazed her fingertips against it and his movements came to a halt. She grinned to herself. Something so small was enough to stop him in his tracks.

Suddenly it was a game. To see who could drive who to brink of begging or breaking first. Every move made with purpose. The need to get as close as possible. The match that ignited this.

She skated her hands back up to his neck, pulling slightly to take his lips in a spine tingling kiss.

He growled when she swirled her tongue in a way he couldn't seem to figure out. It drove him nuts. He knew he was good, but she was good too and she knew that as well.

She tangled her fingers into his hair, the short strands gliding through her fingers.

Harvey yet again slid his hands down her spine and lower. This time grabbing her ass with both his hands. It made her squeal slightly. He then ran his hand from her butt along her outter thigh and hooked it at the back of her knee. Picking it up and wrapping her leg around his waist. Groins heavier against the other. He rolled his hips into her and she thought she'd unravel just there. He left her lips and went on a path to leave his mark on the other side of her slender neck.

The position they were in made sure she felt what he intended to do her tonight.

He did it again and his name left her lips for the second time that night in a gaspy tone. And he had a feeling that it wouldn't be the last. He knew that he was winning. The unspoken challenge was going in his favour until she somehow found enough space between them to lightly dance her fingers over his growing need.

He closed his eyes in her neck and clenched his jaw. If she kept doing what she was doing with the added small tilt of his hips against hers he wasn't gonna be able to do what he'd imagined doing to her so many times.

" _Donna."_ He breathed, a warning and invitation all the same.

And bingo. She knew she'd won this round. He moved his head to face her again and she had the audacity to have a smile skim her mouth. She had removed her hand from his groin and it was placed on his shoulder again.

He smiled back making her think that she was the victor. He dug his fingers into her leg the other hand against the door to keep them steady. He looked her straight in the eye as he pulled back and pushed his hips back into hers. Grinding harder, both clothed for the most part. Her smile dissapeared and was replaced by her head falling back against the door.

The friction he was causing was driving her crazy. Making them both realise that whatever they were doing, trying to accomplish by making the other break first wasn't nearly enough. The dry humping only making the frustration worse.

He soon stopped his movements, knowing it might all come to a premature ending. Her head tilted back towards his, face flushed, lips bruized, hair ruffled and eyes dilated.

It was then that he knew the game was over and neither had won, for the first time in a really long time he was glad he lost or even came to a draw.

He slid his other hand lower and onto her thigh and picked her up. Her long legs wrapped around his waist. She looked into those eyes and dipped her head down to catch his lips again.

He carried her right to her bedroom, apparently remembering it's exact location.

He swiftly put her down. Lips disconnected and clothes went flying. Her shirt, his pants then hers.

Everything after that was moans, grunts, lips connecting, disconnecting, hips pushing and pulling and pure bliss. That's what happens when you barely touch for over a decade and then finally get touch and taste and do whatever else to your hearts content.

xxxxxxx

 ** _Saturday._**

Donna woke up. Her body feeling loose and warm and relaxed. She reached across the bed expecting to find him there but it was empty. She sat up immediately the sheet covering her naked body. She looked around the room and his things were neatly folded on a chair and hers were put on top.

She heard her bathroom door open and he came out, a towel hung low on his hips. Her eyes raked over him and that hunger returned. They didn't really take the time to admire, the singular end goal the only thing to think about the night before.

He smirked at her as if knowing what she was thinking.

Her eyes seductivly turned into slits. Droplets of water were running over every crevice, and suddenly she had the urge to do the same with her mouth.

He smiled at her. That amazing, genuine chesire cat smile.

She laid back and watched him as he was picking his shirt up. The muscles in his back rippling. He wasn't a body builder or anything, but boxing had made sure for a really appealing sight.

She sunk her teeth into her lower lip. Remembering how those muscles had felt under her fingertips. The way they moved, the smooth skin. She might have damaged his skin a little as she dug her nails in as he was setting a punishing rhythm inside her. Taking her to the brink with every push.

He turned back around as he covered up his upper body with his shirt. He caught her blatantly staring, her eyes running over him like her lips had the night before.

"Like what you see ?" He winked at her.

She stood up the sheet now wrapped around her frame. She walked across the room right to him.

"Where do you think your going mister ?" She said and started buttoning up his shirt. The opposite of what she actually wanted to do.

"I've got to get into something more comfortable for our date or did you forget ?" He quirked and eyebrow as his hand wound around her waist.

"I'm Donna I don't forget anything. But I can think of something more comfortable." She said voice dripping honey.

"As much as I'd like to spend the whole day in bed with you. I've been planning this all week. After that you can have your way with me." He said and let his eyes drop shamelessly to her chest.

And then back up her neck, a small hickey or two. He had gotten carried away more than a few times. Who could blame him. The next destination her lips and then those eyes.

"Fine.." she signed and started walking past him towards the bathroom.

He grabbed her arm then and pulled her into him. He leaned in.

"Good morning." He mumbled against her lips.

"Well good morning." She smiled against his lips as she felt his need for her through the towel.

He kissed her then. Intending for it to be a chaste morning kiss, but it quickly turned into something more as he brought his hand up to tilt her head back and snake his tongue into her mouth.

Now this she could without a doubt could get used to. Him being half naked kissing her every morning. Yep definitely a new requirement from now on.

He released her lips after a few minutes. Both a little breathless and both wanting to go back to bed and catch up on twelve years of not being able to do just this.

"If I don't go now, then I'll never leave." He smiled at her.

"I'm not opposed to that counsellor." She playfully said her hands on the collar of his shirt.

He was still in a towel and she could easily think of a few things to convince him to stay. But he had said he planned the date all week and hell knows he seemed excited and sincere.

"Alright then, now if you'll excuse me I have to go take a shower." She said releasing him and stepping out of his embrace.

"You know I can spare a few minutes and join you." Harvey smirked devilishly at her.

"No you said you had to go, besides you already had one." She gestured to his bottom half covered with one of her towels.

She was almost out of his reach when he playfully swatted her behind. It came out of nowhere.

"Harvey !" She squealed.

"Looking good." He laughed.

She rolled her eyes and went in and closed the door, but not before she let the sheet fall giving him an ample view of what he would be missing when he left.

He swallowed when the sun hit every curve. He committed the feel of her skin last night and his hands itched to trace every line and freckle now highlighted by the sun.

He shook his head then. Got dressed and waited for her to come out before he left.

xxxxxxx

He was leaning against the back of her grey couch when she came around the corner. She was beautiful and now he could actually do something about it. He stood up and grabbed her face again, kissing her like he wouldn't get the chance to again. In those moments he convinced himself that he couldn't leave. The urge to be with her stronger then it had ever been.

The scent of flowers and warm vanilla seeped into his senses. He always could tell her apart from anyone else, by sheer smell. It was sweet and seductive. Warm and sexy. Suiting her to a T.

"I thought you had to go." She pulled away.

"I'm rethinking it." He said in a soft tone.

"Ohhh no, you got out of bed, took a shower and said you had to leave. So you're leaving." She smiled her arms still around his neck.

"Are you kicking me out ?" He asked.

"No, I'm just helping you out the door. You said you had a date planned." Donna said.

"I did." He said.

"So I'll see you then." She was circling her fingers at the back of his head.

He nodded and suddenly she seemed a little off.

"Hey is everything okay, I can see those gears turning." He frowned.

"Yeah it's just, this is different." She admitted shyly looking away from him.

"I know." He said, because as great as this was, it was unknown territory.

Them being openly non platonic. There had always been something beneath the surface. Both of them too scared to realize it or admit it. The fights, the crying, yelling, late nights working, having dinners. It was driven somewhat by this underlining tension that seemed to never get resolved.

And now after so long denying and ignoring things they were dating, sleeping together and it was something they especially would have to be careful about. They'd known each other for a very long time. They knew the ins and outs of the other ones behavior. She more than he but still. Although this side of them wasn't something either one had experience with.

She knew his habits, he was a love 'em leave 'em type. He only had something resembling a relationship every once in a blue moon. Zoe, Scottie, Scottie again and Paula. But this Harvey was a mystery.

He was sweet, thoughtful and didn't really try anything with her before she made the first move. He was being a true gentleman. Although she could argue that with what he'd done last night but then again who didn't love a bad boy who was actually a good man.

"A good different. I mean a really good different, but..." She said playing nervously with his untied tie.

"No need to explain, I get it." He softly smiled at her trying to make eye contact again.

She then looked at him. Smiling too.

"So you're not gonna tell me what this date is ?" She asked.

"I thought you were supposed to know everything." He shot back.

"Isn't it a little early to be a smartass ?" She asked faking an annoyed look.

"It's past ten so no."

"Go.." She said laughing and pointed to the door.

"Yes ma'am." He smirked at her.

He then moved to the door and opened it pausing in the doorway, and suddenly last night hit him again. The kiss, the teases, the inevitable conclusion they were always going to end up getting either way. He'd done things he'd only dreamed of doing to her. And when his name left her lips he felt it knock the inside of ribcage like an iron fist.

This was _Donna_ , not some girl he picked up in a bar or something. This was the woman who'd spent thirteen years at his side. Helping, guiding him and calling him out on his shit like nobody else. She knew him better than anyone.

He woke up that morning to flaming disheveled hair, and long, smooth enticing limbs all wrapped up in soft sheets. And it was all he could do but drag himself out of bed to get ready. He'd thought about waking her up, but knew that if he did they wouldn't leave that bed until Monday. He wanted to take her out on a date, he'd spent a while on careful planning to make sure it would be the best third date yet.

"I'll see you later." He said and turned back to casually kiss her cheek.

Somehow it felt right, like they'd been doing it for as long as they'd known each other. It made her smile from ear to ear.

The door closed and she still felt her heart flutter. She could still feel his lips on hers. Soft, supple one minute then hungry and unforgiving the next. Like he couldn't get enough. He made her head spin and back arch with every lick, bite, suck and push of his hips and she matched every move perfectly. It was slightly messy, quick and slow but everything they had to do. And she wouldn't have changed a thing.

Donna was normally a patient person but hell knows she stared at the time willing it to pass so it would hit three. But staring down a clock was not gonna help so she just pushed on and tried to not think of him and the previous night, but that was hard considering she could still feel him everywhere.

xxxxxxx

Harvey walked out of the building with a stride. Ray was waiting as per usual right on time.

Harvey opened his door and got in. Looking up to find his driver with a smile on his face.

"Not a word Ray." He warned, knowing what his driver was thinking.

The engine started and his black Lexus rolled into the New York traffic.

xxxxxxx

Donna opened the door to a bouquet of flowers. Her favorite. Of course. He was always pretty damn smooth when the mood struck him.

"They're beautiful, thank you." Her voice chipper as she took the flowers.

"Are you ready ?" He asked leaning against the door frame, similar to thirteen years ago.

Except this time he was wearing another casual outfit. Grey sweater, chino's and a jacket. And if she thought the sharp cut suits were to fantasize about then she was in for it.

"Yeah just let me put these in a vase. "

She returned after a few minutes and found him where she had left him. He was looking at her with a huge smile on his face and this soft yet unrecognizable look in his eye. It made her heart hitch a little.

He stepped aside letting her pass and shut the door. She turned back to him and suddenly he caught her lips in his.

He'd been thinking and waiting to do it all day. It was intended to be just a "Hey" kind of kiss but turned into something else entirely. He walked her back until she was against the wall next to her door. Eliciting a llittle moan as he traced the contours of her mouth with his tongue.

Her mind swirled back into the previous night and how he did this exact thing but just somewhere else and it made her want to drag him back into her apartment and pin him down against the nearest surface.

The door of apartment 205 opened and a woman came out and looked in their direction causing their lips to part with a _plop._

"Hi Misses Carp." Donna blushed.

"Hmmmmmm." Mrs Carp said disapprovingly as she looked them over, Harvey still almost pressed up against Donna.

She walked away then, down the hall and dissapeared around the wall.

She looked back at Harvey then and they both laughed.

"Well that was uhmmm awkward." Harvey said a huge smile tugging the corners of mouth wide and making his dimples show.

"You think ?" Donna quirked a sarcastic brow but was betrayed by her smile and rosey cheeks.

He just stared at her then. A goofy look on his face. Like he was amused at the situation they'd just found themselves in.

She rolled her eyes.

"So you ready to go hotshot ?" She eyed him then.

Curious as to what this date could be. He usually lacked a certain finesse when it came to surprises. That was until lately. So hopefully he'd pull it out of the hat again tonight.

"Yes...prepare to have your mind blown red." He cheekily winked at her.

"Red ?" Donna asked.

"Had a nice ring to it." A shit eating grin on his face.

He started walking and she followed until she was next to him.

He caught her completely off guard when he slid his hand into hers. Intertwining his fingers through hers.

She could've sworn that her cheeks turned crimson. This was a far cry from what they had done the previous night. That was lust, the need to feel each other, that was releasing twelve years of built up issues.

But this was simple, pure and innocent. Her hand in his, like it always belonged there. A perfect fit. Two worlds finally collided. And he was no longer afraid to risk it.

He'd been nervous, which was ridiculous cause just the previous night he touched her everywhere else using his hands, teeth, tongue and lips. And yet it felt as foreign as it did right. The moment they locked fingers he knew that he had made the right decision for once.

They strolled down the hall and into the elevator hand in hand. No one said anything, but both had small smiles on their face.

The elevator ride was done in silence. He stole a quick glance at the fiery red head standing next to him and she looked up just in time to catch his eyes.

Their smiles grew wider. He leaned in and kissed her cheek again. For someone who supposedly seemed rigid when it came to affection he was doing a pretty good job.

xxxxxxx

After making it outside Donna spotted the black vintage car. And for a moment she remembered that this was the car he had taken Paula out with. Not knowing that it was her at the time. And she felt a pang of pain in her chest. He must have noticed cause he tilted her head up and his eyes were shining.

"You are going to love this." He said self assured.

"We'll see." She tried to fake a flirt.

He let it go and opened the car door for her.

She had no idea where they were going. She knew him, but lately he surprised her. Around ever bend there was something so new and unexpected.

And yet old wounds were reopened when she saw the car. He was doing what he always did. The same old tricks. He'd used this exact tactic to bed who knows how many women and it felt like she was just another conquest.

But then he got in next to her and gave her a look. It was soft and sweet, and whoever thought Harvey would have a twinkle in his eye.

He started the car and the classic roar of the engine sparked excitement in her. She pushed away the doubt that had unsettled her.

Harvey pulled the car out and onto the bust streets of New York.

They were both silent throughout the ride.

At about the third turn he took she knew exactly where they were headed.

xxxxxxx

They pulled up right in front of his apartment building. Where his home seemed to touch the sky.

"Harvey ?" Donna questioned him.

"Donna ?" He quipped back in the same tone.

"Did you forget something ?" She searched his face.

"No. Look will you just trust me ?" He asked.

"Okay..." Donna said very unsure.

He got out, walked around and opened her door.

She stood up out of the car and came face to face with Harvey.

He had a wicked grin on his face now. He looked at her lips before leaning in and kissing her.

For a moment all of her reservations melted away. A pool started to gather at her center as he seduced her with every delicious push and pull and swirl of his tongue.

He pulled away then and his eyes had glazed over and she could tell he was trying to keep himself in check.

Donna swallowed hard. Feeling exactly what he seemed to be.

"Ready to have your mind blown Paulsen ?" He flirted.

"Someone's cocky." She raised a brow.

"I have every right to be." He said knowing she's catch the innuendo.

She smiled and rolled her eyes before he took her hand and led her into the building.

The elevator ride was something in between wanting to jump each other and sweet excitement.

xxxxxxx

"Close your eyes." He whispered as they walked right to his door.

"Uhmm Harvey..." She started.

"Donna just do it." He stopped her.

She sighed and did as she was asked. She heard the key slide into the lock and turned it. Clicking as it led them in.

She walked cautiously into the apartment not knowing what to expect.

"Okay open them." She heard his voice.

She opened her eyes to him standing at his recod players and seemingly a thousand candles lining his apartment. Flickering lights of whimsy.

For a moment she couldn't think.

"You called Rachel didn't you ?" She asked when she found her voice.

"Maybe, or I relied on my very vast expanse of knowledge of you." He said dramatically.

"Yeah I don't believe that one." Donna laughed.

"Are you impressed or not ?" He asked eyebrows raised.

"Maybe." She winked at him.

"We both know you are Donna." He swung back.

"What if I am ?" She questioned with a smile.

"Then it means I finally got one over on _The Donna Paulsen."_ He said in a _I won_ kind of tone.

"I mean I've seen better." She shrugged.

"No you haven't." He said shaking his head with a sly smile.

"So are we going to eat or what ?" She said before giving in to his ego.

"How does shitty Thai food sound ?"

"Not bad." A smile tweaked at her lips.

When he put his mind to it he could really out do himself. Sure Thai wasn't her favorite, but it was one of the things they'd always shared when they were at the office working late and despite what he said she knew he secretly liked it.

He reached out his hand and when she put hers in his. He led her outside where a table was lit by candles on his terrace. He had definitely out done himeself.

They sat down, the night sky clear, the stars obstructed by New York's glistening and restless lights.

Harvey looked over at Donna after she sat down and she had turned her head to look at the world she was seemingly towering over.

In that moment he felt lucky. He was finally doing this with her and looking at her. He didn't regret anything.

They got to talking straight away. Laughing and giggling between gulps of wine and bites of food. Neither Harvey nor Donna could remember the last time they were so happy.

But in some way Donna was still unsure about what was actually happening between them. The sex was great, amazing, mind blowing, the best she'd ever had. The flirting and shyness and boldness was something so different with them, yet achingly familiar.

She was looking, searching for the one thing she'd always wanted from him. He wasn't ready back then, but he seemed ready now. Harvey was always great with the physical, the flirting, but emotions is where he lacked. He could kick ass in a court room, settle a whole case and piss someone off all before lunch. He was used to getting what he wanted.

But you could pin him down with one word. Love. That's what scared him. That's what made him run. She'd told him once that she loved him and she walked away. He didn't stop her. He stood there in his office, frozen.

And yes he asked her on a date and yes they had an amazing night. And of course he had done all of this for her. But Harvey was good at the chase when he needed and wanted to be. But the follow through...That's where he always screwed up. Scottie, Paula, and countless others. He was bad at relationships. Good at sex and impressing someone, good at getting his way. But emotionally, he was unavailable. Simple as that.

She knew he cared about her. Everything he'd done for her proved it. But even after all that she found herself wondering what she actually meant to him. The thing is reading Harvey was easy. Reading his heart, a completely different and almost impossible story. That's where he guarded himself the most.

It had taken 13 years to get here, she wasn't about to wait another decade to hear him say it. If he could.

She knew that she would be pushing him, but the ball was in his court. He'd played the game well, very well, but now he had to step up. Do what he needed to or risk losing forever.

She took a breath...They'd both just finished dinner and Harvey was looking out over the balcony.

Catching glimpses of her ever so often when he let his eyes drift to her. This was different. This wasn't like any other relationship he'd had. She wasn't just some woman. She was every fantasy and dream.

"Harvey what is this ? What are we doing ?" Donna asked, her voice caught in her throat.

She didn't want to ruin this night, but enough was enough. She had to know what she was and what they were. She was tired of playing in the grey area of their relationship. Tired of crossing lines and boundries just to be pushed back behind the walls that kept them apart. Tired of waiting and asking.

Harvey turned his head towards her. Frowning.

"Donna..." He said, voice sounding confused.

He thought by doing all this she'd understand. He never had to explain anything to her and yet here she was asking for one. He never needed to sat anything, she just always knew.

But they wouldn't have taken 13 years if she had known.

xxxxxxx

 **Soooooo after months and months of struggling to finish I finally got this chapter done. I'm not sure how it stand up to the other chapters but I tried.**

 **I want to thank everyone for their support even when I struggled. The fandom is truly an amazing place ! and the people are beyond amazing !**

 **Thank you to everyone who reviews and actually reads this. Thank you.**

 **PLEASE REVIEW if you can. I'd love to hear what you thought. ( And if there are any spelling errors, I will only notice them when this is already posted so sorry in advance if I missed anything. )**

 **I would like to dedicate this chapter to DonnaRSpecter for being the best beta ever ! For her support and help through everything !!**


End file.
